mood: ecstatic

Okay, so here's my schedule for the month of november, which is more detailed than the schedule for december. Note that other appointments might pop out of nowhere in between :P

November 14 Sat: Pateros, Tita's Place, tambay lang.
November 15 Sun: West Avenue QC, UP LAE Review 9am to 6pm then head to laguna home
November 16 M: Tambay sa bahay. Anton might visit me :D
November 17T: Laguna home. Preparation for departure to Baguio (wow parang airport lang ha lol)
November 18W-20F: Baguio, Grad Pictorial and POLIS get together + thesis advising
November 21Sat: Arrival to Manila around 5pm
November 22Sun: UP Diliman, UP Law Exam 7am to 12 nn, free time afterwards
November 23M-25W: do to thesis
November 26TH to November30M: Available


And for the month of December:
First week of december: revision of chapter 5 thesis and creation of latter parts of thesis
Second week of december: finalization of thesis
Thirs Week of december: binding of thesis.
Deadline for submission of binded thesis is on Dec 17

mood: ABSOLUTELY ANNOYED.

WARNING: CONTAINS RAGE

Okay. I'm complaining first because I have tonsilitis AGAIN. Geez, I just went to Baguio and I got it. I wish Manang was here to make my illness go away :( Anyway...

The thing is, my lola (father's side) is once again confined in the hospital. Apparently, the doctor reported that lola's heart was clogged by some cholesterol bullshit so she needs medication and careful observation within the hospital's territory. Mum has to go to Manila everyday ever since the other day so she may attend to my grandma.
Dad told me that when lola was just 40 something, her spinal column got damaged out of carrying heavy loads. Every now and then lola experiences several illnesses located on the lower region of the body. She frequently goes to the hospital due to UTI...and would even demand to be confined in the ICU..bullshit.

It's not really fair. I mean, maybe myself or her. I don't know. I'm not being a brat but seriously, I have been asking myself for a long time now, even voicing this out to them "Bakit kasi di pa mamatay matay yang matandang yan?". I asked that question because
1. I didn't want to spend too much time effort and money for someone who cannot contribute much for the family
2. To end her sufferings and just go away
3. I can't escape the fact that her youngers son, Tito Rijit is like a LEECH sucking on Lola's everything!

Tito Rijit has been really rude to me and my mum when dad was away. I think I already posted one blog entry for this. When I was three, dad was assigned far from Manila and we were left in the compound my lolo gave to his three sons. Tito Rijit threw all of our things out and was screaming "Lumayas kayo dito, pagmamay ari ko to!" something like that. I can no longer remember the details. But anyway, Tito is what you may call the BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY.
Not only did he stop going to school and fail to finish his studies, but he also married a no-brainer bitch who does nothing but to get pregnant and shout curses 24/7. The couple has approximately 10 kids, Matet included. Matet and AM are the only ones who are currently studying and the rest are TAONG KALYE (if there is such a word) and I don't even know their names. Not to mention tito Rijit looks like she's older than lola because he's a drug user and a drug pusher. His sons are thieves. And I don't freaking acknowledge him as my uncle. Na-ah.

As I was saying, since tito doesn't have a job, he frequently goes to lola to ask for money, food and clothes. Almost all of the things my tita sends for us from Canada are given to tito rijit's family by lola although the things sent here in the country already have names to identify which belongs to whom. But lola would always give our stuff to tito, arguing that "eh kasi naman sila kaya nilang bilin to di na nila kailangan". However, I do not agree with the same ideology. It is true that we can afford those things but it would be WAAYY BETTER if you gave what is rightfully ours and THEN ask us if we MAY give the things to tito. It'd be better that way. But no, lola pitying his favorite son..geez.

Maybe I am kind of pissed because Lola is like an extension of tito. If lola asks for assistance from my dad, that money will be given to tito Rijit. Almost everything is given to tito and I freakin' hate it. So I just want lola gone so there won't be a MIDDLEMAN, you know what I mean?

I am freaking tired of hearing lola getting rushed to the hospital and us paying for her bills. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY DAD? YOU ALSO HAVE OTHER KIDS, LOLA. GEEZ.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO MEAN YOUR KIDS HATE YOU. DAD DIDN'T GROW UP WITH YOU BY HIS SIDE BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU CANNOT RAISE HIM ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE POOR SO YOU SENT HIM TO YOUR HUSBAND'S PARENTS IN DAVAO.

DAD DIDN'T GROW UP WITH YOU, SO QUIT ABUSING YOUR POWER.



I can't wait for you to vanish so things will get better. I want to see tito rijit and his family suffer!

And yes, I am being such a bitch but tito deserves it!

I DONT KNOW WHY MY PARENTS WON'T SEND MY TITO BEHIND BARS FOR BEING A DRUG USER AND PUSHER. GEEZ!

I show no mercy for people who are leeches, parasites, barbaric and idiotic!

mood: tired

Okay, before I tell you that horrible thing which happened to me today, I'd like to first recall everything we did for the law thingy.

First of, since dad has an early flight, we were forced to commute. Mum asked me to wear that sun-dress (yellow, sleeveless; length just above the knees) and I was complaining because I haven't waxed yet and my underarms got booboos for trying to use tawas as a deodorant (allergic reaction). We had to take a bus from Laguna to Buendia. And then we took the LRT going to San Beda and we accomplished the requirements.
1. my san beda exam will be on december 12, 2009 7:30am.

Okay, so I told my mum to go to UPD since it's near and we took the LRT again (or MRT, whatever it's just the same for me) and went to Katipunan and I forgot I haven't the self addressed stamped envelope for the UP LAE requirements so we had to ask for people for the nearest post office and national bookstore..after some time we found a national bookstore in front of Ateneo. And we went to UPD and found a post office there.
We had to walk under the sun and heat to look for the UP College of Law building and the security guards were so nice they helped us. I had to get out and go to the cashier (which was kinda far, and i had to take the jeep and leave ma alone because she was freakin tired)

HOLD.
I FUCKING HATE MY MUM RIGHT NOW
"SHARIZ MAG ARAL KA JAN, DI YUNG LAGI KA NALANG NASA TAPAT NG LAPTOP"

PUTANG INA MO MA MANAHIMIK KA NGA DYAN
PUTANG INA MO.

Anyway...
geez.

Where was I?
Oh there. I finished the UP LAE requirements and off we went to Rockwell for Ateneo Law. We had a hard time lookinf for the building because the taxi driver didn't know about it, but thankfully we did. I didn't want to hang out at the Powerplant so I told mum to just wait for dad at MOA.


SO.
THE FUCKING HORRIBLE THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IS THIS:

Remember, my mum made me wear a FUCKING DRESS when I didn't want to?
Well guess what, when we took the bus, a bearded man who looked like Manny Pacman sat beside me. At first I was istening to my ipod and fell asleep.
And when I was sleeping I felt like something was rubbing against my right thigh.
I held my ipod tight because I thought someone was going to steal my ipod.
AND THEN MY MIND STARTED TO TELL ME SOMETHING ELSE.
THE MAN BESIDE ME WAS CARESSING MY THIGH!
He was doing it to me for a long time now, perhaps more than 30 mins already! And I didn't know my mum also was sleeping so she didn't notice.
I was fucking furious so I woke up, glared at the man and told him
"PUTANG INA MO, TIGIL TIGILAN MO YANG GINAGAWA MO!"
And he stopped there. Well, I caught him caressing me since I was looking at his hand on my thigh. I was..JUST.SO.FURIOUS.

I was about to hit him, seriously. GUSTO KO SIYANG SUNTUKIN NON. I looked around and found most of the passengers sleeping. And I was irritated that my mum was there. I felt really helpless. I don't know, DI AKO MAKAGALAW PAG ANDYAN SILA MAMA EH.

But I SWEAR, IF MY MUM WAS NOT THERE I WOULD HAVE SHOUTED THERE AND MADE HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S NOTHING BUT A PERVERTED BARBARIAN!

He stopped caressing my thigh, but he kept on looking at me, waiting for me to fall asleep. Which I made him feel that I WAS NOT GOING TO SLEEP AT ALL AND I WAS GLARING AT HIM ALL THE TIME.


He went out of the bus before we did, and before he went away, when he stood up, he looked back and stared at me with that STUPID SMILE ON HIS FACE TELLING ME
"ANG SARAP MO"

PUTANG INA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



AND YOU, MUM, IS THE ONE TO BLAME

SO DON'T FUCKING SCOLD ME
BECAUSE I AM FUCKING MAD AT YOU

AND YOU DON'T FUCKING WANT ME ANGRY.

BECAUSE YOU'LL BE FUCKING SORRY


AND YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING THANKFUL I DIDN'T FUCKING TOLD DAD ABOUT THIS.


BECAUSE HE'LL DEFINITELY KILL YOU FOR MAKING ME WEAR SKIMPY CLOTHES SO THAT UGLY ANIMAL DID THAT TO ME.


OH THIS IS FUCKING HORRIBLE.


AND YOU MUM, IS FUCKING STUPID. YOU ARE FUCKING ANNOYING.

mood: sleepy

Okay, so we finally managed to leave Baguio today around 9 in the morning (i was the cause of delay as I didn't wake up early, heh). It took us some time before we reached Manila given the different route we took, and also because they went to the Dagupan wet market to buy milkfish and huge shrimps and some more seafood goodness. Apparently, mum frequently invades KFC in MOA whenever she visits Divisoria/Baclaran and told me to try the Twister pizza wrap and Krusher drink they have, which I did and I also told her Cookies n Cream is my fav. I didn't do much today but to sleep.:p

I was kind of sad leaving Baguio. Manang, my landlady, was also kind of sad and she was teary-eyed seeing me leave. She told my parents there is nothing to worry about since I am a good child and she bid me farewell. I didn't write a letter to thank her cause I know I will be back soon for my thesis. I don't want to say goodbyes..manang's place is like a second home to me.

I am honored to have lived in her house, I never got sick when I was in their place. She always took care of me, and always made me feel special and loved. :)

So anyway, I think I'll go back to Baguio on th 9th of November to file the university residency and to complete my data for our thesis. And wait for one week for the graduation pictorial so I wouldn't have to bother going back and forth to Baguio.;p What else?

Oh, I have to start filing my requirements for UP, Ateneo and San Beda Law next week monday. Also, mum is enrolling me to learn how to drive and I was telling dad I wanted a Toyota Yaris.:D I think I mentioned it the last time but I felt like saying it again. Hihi.

Anton's exams will end on saturday, I don't know when we're going to have a date and I don't know if I'll be going to the Halloween party. I really really want to see my friends there, but I honestly do not feel welcomed. I don't feel any kind of grudge or sadness, to be honest. The striking thing I learned this year is to just appreciate people even if they don't like you. Just, do it. I keep on telling myself "Ayoko ipagpilitan ang sarili ko sa taong ayaw sa akin" and it's enough for me to know that I love them, as I don't expect anything in return.
Besides, knowing that Anton loves and believes in me is enough to make me feel special.

BTW, NAJ I MISS YOU SO BADLY WE HAVE GOT TO GO OUT LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS!

Erm...so where was I?
I already told my dad I'll be growing my hair long and that he should set a side enough money for a rebond session in Toney and Jackey's. Hihi. I want to grow my hair LONG ASAP! :)


I missed the sem ender party my friends in UP Baguio planned for this week. I mean, it's going to be tomorrow but I totally will miss it. We were supposed to skate and roam around in the afternoon and have a pajama party at Pat (my thesis partner)'s place in the evening. I was supposed to cook for them Putanesca or Marinara and we were supposed to have a bonfire (which we apparently do not know how to make, and I told them to just pour gasoline on the wood and lit the matchstick or lighter and they laughed at me LOL silly me) and eat marshmallow and hotdogs. And you know, the typical pajama party.:p But mah, I won't be there so....sniff.

Anyway, it's freakin' hot here and I feel so thirsty. I need to take a shower and I need to drink water with tons of ice! GOSH. I'm soooooooo not used to this. Gotta go.

mood: exhausted

Gosh. I finally finished all my exams and requirements for this semester. I'm officially FREE!~
Tomorrow we'll be traveling early in the morning so as not to get stuck on the road while the storm hits the country. Well... I've managed to do three things today.

1. I went to school early to take my final exam which was kind of weird..I mean, the exam.
2. We finally managed to talk to the chancellor and I interviewed her!:D
3. I found out that I was not chosen for the Japan Student Conference on November. sad. :(

Well, I guess my essay and some of my grades got me down.. but I don't mind. Maybe I was expecting too much but I did try. I'm not really depressed, not embarassed that I failed to meet the Japanese government's standards. I guess it's not time for me to go and visit Japan this year.;p
I'll have my time.. and I hope I'll visit Japan with my fiance. <3 That would be better than visiting Japan because of SCHOOLWORK (which reminds me, the student conference has nothing else to talk about other than the ASEAN economic thingy development plan)... Someday I'll visit Japan and have fun.


AND PROBABLY FIND THE UNIVERSE OF THE FOUR GODS AND BECOME THE GENBU NO MIKO AHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO~

Speaking of which, I was reading Genbu Kaiden for the past three days and I find it ABSOLUTELY LOVELY AND AWESOME. You have got to read it. And I thought Suzaku no Miko was great..this is FARRRRRRRRRRRRR GREATER.:D And I kept on thinking, the suzaku star warriors were like wimps compared to the genbu star warriors. Well, if you do not know about it then I'll explain it to you:
Suzaku Warriors were Tamahome (who is like a Goku from Dragon Ball), Hotohori (an excellent swordsman, and my first love), Nuriko (super strength), Tasuki (can control fire with an iron fan), Chichiri (a warlock), Mitsukake (can heal all wounds) and Chiriko (a musician and is very intelligent)
Genbu Warriors on the other hand were Uruki (can turn into a woman, can control wind..my true love!lol), Tomite (an excellence archer and can control ice), Hatsui (can produce needles to pierce people), Namame (an earth spirit who controls...earth duh), Hikitsu (can control water), Inami (can control her hair as a weapon and can kick ass with her huge pipe looking thing), Urumiya (twins who can absorb/hinder your powers)

See. But sad to say, I've heard the Genbu no Miko has a tragic ending (the last chapter revealed Takiko the Priestess, has Tuberculosis) but seriously, the storyline is waaayyy toooo good! :D I'm impressed! And sad to say also, that Yuu Watase-sama's health isn't so good so she stopped working for it and will continue by Spring 2010. So the manga isn't complete yet, makes sense since there's no anime of it YET. But I can't wait!:D

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

So anyway, since I got my requirements for the Law School application, there is no reason for delay tomorrow, and I'll be home. AT LAST. :D

Oh gosh.
Going to Japan sure is a long, painful wait.
I hope I get to enter the book, too.HIHIHIHIHI. *daydreaming*

mood: trying to be patient.

Wow, finally Marcos Highway and Kennon Road are open to help vehicles drive from Baguio to other places and viceversa. We had our merienda at KFC and we asked ourselves where they got the stock of chicken..and we firgured the roads are finally open :)

The good thing I learned this week is I'm finally done with my other requirements and we only need to finish two. One interview and one exam. On Monday. YES. That means I have to stay here in Baguio for a little while. OH WELL. DEEEEEEEPPP SIGGGGHHHH for that.

I have nothing much to say tonight... Well, all I can say is I can't wait to have my hair uber long! I'm not really regretting the fact that I cut my hair around 12 inches the last time, but you know.. I kinda miss my long hair, too.LOL So maybe, MAYBE someday I'll have it straight and perfect. hihi.

And because I can't for that moment, I used my old photo and made my hair look long.LOL I know it's not perfect, because I just clicked here and there and I didn't really intend to make it look perfect.;p Here it is

I really hate it, Anton falls asleep on me lately. And tonight he can't talk to me cause he has to finish this uber long paper on nursing. GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ.
I'm so fucking bored and restless.

Can't blame him, though.
But I do blame him.HIHIHIHI. Kidding. Or maybe not. No. Ugh, I'm confused. And hyper.

Awww~ my landlady's poodle is asleep on my bed. And now I don't know where I'm going to sleep because Tanya (the dog) fell asleep at the center of the bed. so maybe I'll try to sleep on one corner like a cat...say what?
I can't wake her up. She looks really tired. Of course she is. She has nothing else to do but to walk everywhere. And she's already 13 years old. I was so happy to find out she's still alive. Cause that means my princess Daphne (she's turning 9 years this OCT 17. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS!) has a long way to go before she leaves me. SIGH.

I know I'm posting random stuff right now. Cause I'm seriously bored and hyper at the same time. SHAME ON YOU ANTON FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO ME TONIGHT. BUT FINE. LALALALALALALA~

The last time we talked, he mentioned he was going to sing for the Nursing Week in his college on november. He said he was gonna GROWL. LIKE, ROCK GROWL. And I was like "WTF." So I was thinking whether or not I'm going to attend the concert because I might just make fun of him. I don't think it suits him, you know. Growling and stuff.

Sometimes I think I'm getting too serious. I've noticed a lot of people telling me I am thinking too much, especially of the future. But I can't help it. I no longer feel like a teenager since I was 18. And I just feel different...awkward perhaps, that my fiance is still half a boy half a guy at some point. I know I don't have the right to command him and all. But, I feel uncomfortable and I admit it it's my fault. But then... I don't know.

Maybe I should try and be normal. I feel like an old lady, and I'm just 20. Sheesh, okay fine. I'll try and play it cool. Be a kid. That's probably my goal starting.............tomorrow.:)

Okay gotta go.^^

mood: hopeful

Well, last week the super typhoon Pepeng hovered above North Luzon thrice. That meant more than one week of strong winds and rain we couldn't go out of our house. The electricity went on and off, and the internet was crappy. Good thing classes were canceled as I have no plan of going to school with that horrible weather. I failed to update my blog due to the typhoon and I'll just try to make it as short as possible.

One thing is, Baguio is currently isolated from the rest of the Luzon area, having the Sison Bridge (which connects Pangasinan and La Union) almost torn apart by the sudden flashflood due to the release of water from the three dams of Nothern Luzon, the Marcos Highway which was washed out by landslide along with Kennon Road and Naguilian Road, so I've heard. Well anyway, when the sun finally went up, everything seems bright and peaceful. Not much vehicles on the road. I heard people saying the crude oil was very expensive and that it was only given with a limited amount per vehicle.

Ah, this is the best thing ever. I never saw Baguio this peaceful, well maybe the roads. I can't stand seeing taxis and jeepneys bullying the roads, not to mention the smokebelchers here and there. We basically don't have classes until wednesday because Pres. GMA said so. OH GEEZ.

I'm so excited to go home, I was telling my dad I might go home by friday but he said I have to wait and see because they are going to go here to pack my things and stuff. Well, FYI, I'm still quite mad with my parents but not too much now.

But there's still this little amount of anger left in me, so I rarely talk to them and only converse with whoever if I'd be saying something important.

So there you go. Dad said he wants to visit this miraculous site in North Luzon (somewhere in Cagayan) by land. And that means we have to sit and let him drive for more than 15 hours. I don't think that's even practical. Sometimes I don't get it why dad even bothers driving instead of just taking a plane ride. It's much cheaper than having to stop over and refuel for so many times, spending too much time just to arrive to some far off place. But okay, he wanted to see the scenery around so I forgive him. Besides, he's been flying aircrafts for decades now, I think he grew tired of seeing the world with a bird's eye view.

And..................
I have to eat supper now. Gotta go.
[7:42pm]
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Edited: 7:48pm

Well I'm back.
Just so you know, other than Baguio being a silent hill here, a lot of people died due to several landslides.

My landlady told me a while ago there was this dormitory for the Benguet State University which was covered by huge rocks and soil (it used to stand beside a rocky hill), and nobody escaped from the dreadful event. And two barangays in Baguio were drowning because of this FLOOD. Can you imagine that? The flood reached the roofs and people were trapped. My gosh, FLOOD here in BAGUIO. Well, that's SOMETHING.

I think there were more than 30 people who died here in Baguio. I'm not so sure. I really am not in my mind set lately, all I can think of is completing my requirements so I can finally go home.

Nothing happened to me, the place where I'm staying at is a pretty nice place and it's not affected by the strong wind, rain and landslides. I just want to be home. I miss my place. I miss my dogs. I miss my fiance. :( I miss my high school batchmates.

So if the movie, "The Notebook" narrates our love story in details (minus the world war part), as I've said before this particular story became a hit, I told my friends this is probably the best song to describe our love story..:)

(oh remember when we first met? it was when we were 17. It's not summer in the Philippines by October but maybe somewhere else it is. But I remember we were chatting in front of the place where i was staying that particular night. it's not a balcony but it feels like it.)

Ha, the only thing I remember was when you friend Jam, had her 18th birthday. You actually looked really hot, I feared I was drooling if I didn't control myself.>.<

This actually happened, though I just knew it recently. My parents called you secretly and told you to stay away from me if you don't want to get hurt..which really sucks big time.

You're always my prince. And yeah, we did sneak out a couple of times to be together. Nuff said.

Oh the chaos we went through. All those bullshit and naggers and liars and all their jealousy and anger..but it doesn't matter now, is it? Nothing can separate us.

This, I think, will be a reality soon. Well, I remember you asking me if I'll marry you in an informal manner and of course I used to laugh it off and eventually told you the answer's obvious--that of course I'll marry you.

mood: crappy

Here's an update.
I text my dad and mum this same message:
"Dad and Ma, Thank you for everything. I promise to give back every cent you spent raising me in due time. I'm in good hands now so you need not worry. In any case something happens to me, someone will inform you about it. tc and gb"

My mum was the one who texted first. She said something like
"Tigilan mo na nga yang ginagawa mo. Mahal ka namin ng ama mo, di naman kami galit sayo. balang araw maiintindihan mo din. maawa ka sa daddy mo, wag na sa akin. "

me : "Tinakwil mo ako kanina. Ayokong ipagpilitan sarili ko sa taong ayaw na sakin"
mum: "Di ko ginawa yon. Ang gusto ko lang, matuto ka na magempake. Itext mo ang dad mo at ilang araw na yun di nakakatulog."
me: "I can fix my things faster than you can. I'm already done with it. Don't underestimate me"
mum: "Magiwan ka nalang ng mga gagamitin mo dyan. k tke care at god bless you always love you"
and I replied to her one last time
"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU"


My tita, mum's eldest sister, called me afterwards. She was telling me what was the problem and I tihnk she talked to my mum before calling me as she was saiyng something like mum didn't really intend to say that and all she wanted was for me to learn how to fix my own things cause mama doesn't feel so good and can't go to Baguio.

Tita said if ever they'll go here, Kuya should tag along.
She was even laughing at my mum's ear condition. But I shrugged it off.


So then I took my exam and my friends were all asking me if I was ok, cause I looked really pale. MJ said it was obvious that I cried and checked my wrists for any sign of suicide attempt. I showed him my arms and told him I have no plans of committing suicide. Moki was telling MJ I'm in my right mind so I wouldn't do such a thing.
The exam was pretty easy...for a student who studied well. I did just fine I guess. I was in no mood to answer it so I quickly passed my bluebook and headed off to unwind. I went to Porta Vaga with MJ since I was so bored and Pat had to do something else. We ate Japanese Cakes and I ordered Sayuki which filled my tummy quite well. It sucks that the sakuyaki didn't even have all the ingredients it needs in order to be called sakuyaki but then I was just really hungry I munched on them happily.
I felt better afterwards, and then remembering I didn't eat breakfast and lunch because I was too depressed I lost my appetite.

I went back home happily. And I fell asleep on my bed since I was tired of crying.

By the time I woke up, I get to talk to Anton about what happened. My reactions to what my mum told me and what she relayed to her sister are obviously different.

1. She said something like "SAWA NA KAMI" with emphasis to the kami, meaning she's referring to them both (dad and mum)
2. and she also said something like "MAGPTULONG KA SA TAONG MAKAKAINTINDI SAYO" which is very confusing. What does she mean by that IF she really meant she's just asking me to go fix my stuff...when in fact I don't need any help at all AND if I ever did need help, it's not necessary that the person helping me needs to "UNDERSTAND" me..well, duh.
3. And not to mention she said "Wag mo akong asahan na pupunta pa KAMIdiyan. BAHALA KA NA"...WTF does that mean? So okay, you don't feel so good. That's fine. I don't need you here anyway. I can handle things on my own, thank you very much. But why did you say something like DI NA KAMI PUPUNTA DIYAN? Oh you mean it? Seriously? Then fine. And bahala ka na means ABANDONMENT, donchathink?

**note: (ay may ganon??): you can view the SMS my mum sent me from the blog posted before this one.

I don't know. I simply do not understand this bullshit.
It was obvious that she meant to do me harm. That she intended to do that so I'd feel bad about myself. I'll never feel bad about myself, I AM NOT EMO, HELLLLLO.PLEASE. I won't let anyone pull me down and your endeavours are put to waste. Because I'm never gonna let you push me at the edge of the cliff. Na ah. NEVAR. Do you hear that? I CAN MANAGE ON MY OWN.

I'M OLD ENOUGH, AND I KNOW HOW TO DO THINGS.
It doesn't mean that whenever I let you clean the house and fix my things, I do not know a single thing about household chores and fixing my stuff. Because you know what?I DO KNOW. And you seriously need to understand that I'M A LADY NOW. Or maybe in you little effing world term, I'M BIG GIRL NOW.

And you know what, reader?
My dad replied to my message I quoted at the beginning of this blog entry.
He has no clue of whatever mum said early this morning. He was like
"Ngek. Kakalanding ko lang. TC and GB love you."

.........

I can't believe I fell for that.

You are such a lame liar. Ever since.

You can't fool me.

I'm never going to believe in you.

And please, don't make me look stupid and naive infront of myself and your sister. Or the whole Villanueva clan. We both know what you SAID. WHAT YOU DID. EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU TOLD ME THIS MORNING I AM NEVER GONNA FORGET.

THOSE CRUEL WORDS YOU SAID.

YOU INTENDED TO HURT ME.

You even have the guts to tell me "MAAWA KA SA AMA MO, KAHIT WAG NLNG SAKIN." Quit it with your martyrdom. It's your fault in the first place. Back in HS you wrote me a letter I didn't even finish reading. Remember when we had the mother-daughter recollection program?
The first line was the only thing I read and I didn't bother reading the rest. It went like
I felt really bad at myself after reading that so I didn't bother to read the others. But I never forgot that. When I became a Christian in Freshman college, it was you and dad I thought of first. I was asking ate Hannah what I can do to save you. I tried to follow whatever is taught in the bible. I tried my best.
I tried to like you. I tried to understand you. I tried to make you feel happy and close to me. And I know I did. I never gave you any gift or tell you I love you. But the first few years of my college life I learned how.
I finally gave you gifts on your birthday. And on mother's day. I greeted you. Even if it was hard for me to do so.
I finally learned how to say I love you.

But now everything's back to where we started and it's all your fault.
Your way of disciplining me is never applicable to me. I never grew from it. And everytime you try to discipline me, it just makes me hate you even more.

Do you know how it feels like being treated like crap?
You never appreciated me.
Or maybe you did.
Only I NEVER felt it.
That's why I didn't bother telling you my accomplishments.

Buti pa si dad
Whenever I tell him I topped the exam or I did something cool, he always tell me
"That's my girl."
And whenever I tell him I failed an exam or I spent too much money or even lost a phone for instance, he's always forgiving..and would just tell me
"It's okay, bawi nalang next time. " Or "Pera lang yan.."

But in your case, whenever I od something wrong, even if it's just an accident, you shout at me and tell me things like I'm stupid
"Ang tanga tanga mo kasi."
"Ang tmad tamad mo kasi, bakit di mo gayahin si ganto ganyan(you're so lazy. why don't you be like *insert name here*"

Do you know how it feels like trying to impress you and hearing nothing but insults in the end?
I feel so frustrated I don't know what to do anymore.

Every little thing I do,never seem enough for you.



And now, everything will never be the same again.
I can't say I still love you, but I can't get mad at you because you're my mother. And I take that both as a gift and a curse.

mood: furious, confused, defeated.

So, so what, I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight

I'm alright, I'm just fine and you're a fool
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight
...
You weren't there, you never were
You want it all but that's not fair
I gave you life, I gave my all
You we're there, you let me fall

Today when I woke up at 8am, I saw two messages from my biological mother.
She said something like

"yung mga laundry at mga gamit mo na di na ginagamit padala mo na. wala na magiintindi sayo, sawa na kami."
"bumili ka ng mga laundry bag or box,lagay mo na mga gamit mo na di na ginagamit padala mo na unti-unti wag mo na ako asahan na pupunta pa kami diyan. bahala ka na. paayos mo sa taong makakaintindi sayo. bahala ka na."

So from 8 am to 9am, I was packing my things and I'm already done. I have packed them in three large laundry bags and I need to buy one more for the toiletries and the left over stuff like school appliances...and soon to be laundry for this week and next week.

My landlady came in and told me to eat my breakfast, which she brought inside my room. She saw my hangers scattered on my bed and asked me what I was doing. I was like

me: nageempake na po ako
manang: ah, nageempake ka na? kelan ka ba uuwi?
me: october 19 po. di ko nga po alam kung san ako titira eh.
manang: anong di mo alam?
me: tinakwil na po kasi ako ata nila mama.
manang: ay nako! wag kang aalis dito!dito ka lang!bakit nageempake ka na..di ka aalis dito. bakit ganyan mga magulang mo.. nag-iisa kang anak tapos ganyan. kahit di ka na magbayad, kinupkop na kitang parang sarili kong anak.akala siguro nila di ka pa mature, e sa nakikita ko naman kaya mo naman. ano sinabi nila na bahala ka na sa buhay mo?
me: sabi po ni mama magempake na daw po ako saka bahala na daw po ako..
manang: edi bahala ka nga. sabihin mo di ka batang walang alam. kelangan ng UC ng 50 professors, pagkatapos mo sa pag-aaral mo, magapply ka dun.

She went on saying stuff like my parents are so strict it's unhealthy already. She was worried I'm always crying because I'm always arguing with my mum, and if that continues I might develop a heart disease. She said it doesn't mean that whenever I say "OK" and "Yes" and obey my parents to whatever they wish, I'm very dependent and all. And now that I'm growing old, I've learned how to say no, and they cannot accept that fact so they got mad at me.

I started crying because all of what she was true. And I can't help thinking why other people are able to see my point, and my parents can't. Manang said whenever I shout at my parents she understood that they never listened to me. I can't help but cry knowing my landlady understands me better than my own parents.

And since I have no money on my own and my other bank account's with my parents....And I have no plan of even begging them, I decided maybe I'll stay here for a while. Pray to God I find a job to support myself and to pay manang whatever I take from her...

My friend said I can apply to a call center for a while so I can harness a lot of money. Which I might do, considering I'm desperate to have a LOT of money.
My thesis partner suggested I teach the piano at Musar or Music World..but I think the salary's too low to support me.
And about the professor thing, maybe I will. But that would be next year since I won't be receiving my diploma yet and hence cannot apply as a faculty member. So maybe the Call Center thing is the only accessible and efficient thing I can do for now. Sorry UP for failing you, this is temporary though. I promise I'll just stay there until I save enough money to start my own life.


SIGH.
Anton said I shouldn't think about it for a while.
He said my parents won't be able to stay like that for a long time.
I know that, but you know...everything can happen in this world.
And I cannot afford to see myself helpless.
Regardless if my parents will swallow what they said and take me home, I'd still be considering my plan of staying here and finding a job to support myself.


I'm an only child, but I was never too dependent on my parents.

I have been alone taking care of myself for three years.
I know I can afford to do that for years to come.




SIGH.
CONSIDERING I HAVE AN EXAM IN MARKETING ECONOMICS BY TWO IN THE AFTERNOON, AND I HAVEN'T REVIEWED FOR IT IS SUCH A CRAPPY THING.



THIS IS NOT A VERY NICE DAY.

Oh, i just realized I forgot to post a blog about three memorable things that happened lately. This is the first one:

mood: energetic

Hey, hey hey! I'm so hyped today. UPDATE!

The storm passed by yesterday. Ugh, well..it was not really cool as it is. Well maybe literally. But it just kept on raining hard and the wind blowing just the same all day long. When I woke up (around 1pm, yeah i know) electricity's out and I thought it was going to be a boring, unproductive day. But thankfully around 6pm the lights went flickering and everyone was happy. I got the chance to chat with my cousin via skype and we talked about random things...

It's been more than two months since his girlfriend (Tatin) died. I'm happy he's recovering from it. And I'm quite suprised he didn't end his life to follow his girlfriend. And since I'm still mad at my parents, everyone back in Pasig were all asking me if I was okay (well duh, the super typhoon was actually hovering above us yesterday) and I told them I was okay and everything here seems intact and...wet. My mum called their place and kuya had to talk to my mum about me. Mum wanted kuya to convince me to chill and forgive them but I'm never gonna change my mind.

I cried infront of the webcam after telling my cousin things like I never really liked this course and they forced me to take law when I originally planned to be a neurologist. I just don't get it why they keep on persecuting me when all I am doing is to follow whatever they want. Seriously. It's as if all my endevours are put to waste. I don't feel appreciated at all. Even if they told kuya they do trust me. WELL HELLO, DO YOU EVEN TRUST ME WHILE CROSSING THE STREET WITH YOUR HANDS ON MINE? OH GAAAAAAAAAAAAD.PLEASE, LIAR.

Okay, enough of the rant. Well, kuya was kind of thoughtful last night. He said he was going to try and talk to my parents and do whatever he can just like what he did to Tatin's parents before. He also said I kind of resemble Tatin. With the boredom-go-play-with-the-flat-iron and screw-you-don't-talk-to-me-when-im-mad thing.

And we were online til 4am. And right now, I have no freakin' idea what we talked about from 6pm to 4am. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Well, I still have my exam on monday about marketing economics and I have to memorize my 50-page handout. AAAAAAAND.......I have tons of paper to prepare for the hell week. The last hell week of my entire university life.


And I'll be home.
So that's GOODBYE BAGUIO, AND HELLLLLOOOOOO REALITY.

Oh gosh. I'm already so used to living alone (I don't have a boardmate whatsoever..this is not even a boarding house im living in.LOL) I don't think I would be able to stand hearing my mum nagging. I have this tendency to shout back and fight all the time. Even if a lot of people already told me I should just make her go nag til she drops, and let all the words enter my right ear and leave the other. However, I cannot do that. I simply cannot.


Oh oh oh. I was stalking someone last night! I was all, WTF WTF WTF AHOHOHOHOHO.
Okay, don't worry this time it's someone really really close. Someone...secret!HAHAHAHA.
All I can say is, I thought I knew that person well, but I have to guess again. We talked about it in our Special Topics class, and perhaps sometimes people just don't want to talk about certain things. Oh well. OH GOSH. BUT IF I WAS THAT PERSON, I'D REALLY..OKAY NVM. I might just suddenly spill the beans. MAH.

You know what? I honestly want to go home for three reasons!

1. to see Anton again! We've waited for so long for my parents' approval, it's time that we formally inform them. I asked Anton to visit my place once I'm home, and to dress up and bring a bouquet of flowers with him. So we can both tell them it's OFFICIAL. YAY ME~
2. to see my high school batchmates again. It's been ages, I want to keep in touch! I miss hanging out with them!:)
3. to find a part-time job to support my demands. I need an instant 50k php right now so I can at least buy myself a cheap SLR camera. (My original love was Canon 5D and it costs around 120k+) and I know I can't afford that on my own so, hehe. I think I'll try applying as a model/photo manipulator for Front Row Mag..but I don't know. Kuya will go ahead and see if it's good..And to think it's in QC...gosh. TRAFFIC.


Well, anyway. In any case, since I'm bored and all. Might as well apply as a ride operator in Enchanted Kingdom for fun. My batchmate did that a few years back, and we don't really need much money. It's just for fun.LOL Enchanted Kingdom's our neighbor so I get to save transportation expenses.MUWAHAHAHAHAHA.






Okay off to review for the exam.

mood: dreamy

OKAY!
I'm so sorry if you think I'm materialistic because of this. But seriously, I never ask for anything unless I know I'm going to need it in the near future.

1. At least a Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
2. A Fujitsu 13.3 in (Lifebook) T5010 Tablet PC or a MacBook Air
3. A Toyota PRIUS or YARIS
4. A ticket to Europe


P.S. Since I want these stuff, I think imma go try and win the lotto. LOL



Oh, I changed my layout!LOL Kinda messy but I think it looks okay.

mood: bloated

Oh gosh. Last night I was supposed to review for our marketing exam today. Good thing I didn't because the chancellor declared a no work day today. I woke up around 11 or 11:30am I think, and I still couldn't get myself to memorize all the terms for the review. LOL

I'm feeling better now. I thank everyone for all the advices. For Ma'am Astudillo (parent's pov) and Kate Richardson (only child's POV). I get to fit the jigsaw puzzle and I now understand it better. Though I honestly would like to confess that I still have not the strength to talk to them..YET. Well, October is here. And it's most likely that I will be packing up my things here in Baguio to finally rest back to my hometown. And of course, I have to live with my parents again, so...

Anyway, I was just thinking. What am I supposed to do after this semester? I'm excited to go home somehow but given that I'm still mad at my parents is another thing I have to consider. I really really miss my friends back in my hometown. I want to see them again. I also miss Anton, obviously. I miss my dogs..and the litany won't stop so I guess I have to end it right here. ;p

Errr, A while ago I was hating..no, scratch that. I felt kind of upset that I didn't get a driver's license when I turned 18. I want to have my own car so badly. Yes I know we have tons of cars already.
1. The blue Toyota Corola which is nowhere to be found (I honestly don't know where it is parked right now);
2. the black Nissan Centrum...ugh, kidding, what was is again?Something! Dad sold it years before to help us build our house in Laguna;
3. the white Proton car my dad got from working for Mr. Peter Rodriguez, which is not being lent to my dad's mother in Antipolo in case of emergencies
4. the other white Proton car my dad got (again) from his work which he in turn, gave to mum.
5. the white Starex-second generation which my dad got from working for Mr. Francisco Madrigal-Bayot which we often use during vacations
6. the white Toyota Fortuner which is so far, the coolest one we've got.

And suddenly I want to have a cheap, small car (a cute one, like the toyota prius or something) which I can use whenever I want to. (Dad won't let mum drive the Starex and Fortuner) and I guess he won't let me drive it if I asked him...

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.
I'm getting ga-ga here! I want a small carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~

Not that I'll make them pay for it, I want to have a part time job where I can have money to support myself. I am old enough to do that, right?

Moki was teasing me a while ago, saying Prof. Colongon might ask me to teach in UPB..raaaaaaarr. Honestly, I'd like to teach for fun haha! But not in UPB..it's too far away...>.<

Oops. gotta go. dinner time.

mood: upset

Oh dear. I'm sorry I promised to post ehre everyday but I failed to do so. Also, I couldn't post my blog entry regarding this stupid issue I am currently facing. Well I guess all I can say is it's about my effing parents. OKAY. FINE. I'll try to type it now.
Here goes.

Well, I was basically pissed when my mum called me a while ago, asking for my classmate( MJ)'s number. I asked her why she wanted his number and she replied with a "basta, may tatanungin lang ako sa kanya". And so I told her "edi go, magtanong ka."
I was getting furious as she thinks I'm so STUPID for not knowing she's up to no good. She did this to me once and I'll never forgive her for what she did.
Two years ago, she asked for Anton's number. Apparently, they called Anton and told him nasty things like
"Lumayo-layo ka na sa anak ko kung ayaw mong mapahamak. At huwag na huwag mong sasabihin sa kanya to" something like that..just go ask Anton the exact words. It was just this semester that Anton confessed to me about that.
Anyway as I've mentioned, I was getting furious as I fear it was gonna happen again. So I quickly informed MJ about it and told my other classmates (Pat, Moki, Gelie, Jil) the same thing and asked them to text my dad and inform my effing rents that we're doing something really important.

The truth is, the reason why we do our paper here inside my room is that we cannot afford to stay in SM for a long period of time (imagine we have to stay at some nice cafe so we can charge our laptop..and we were there until closing time) so my landlady got concerned she offered we do our paper here instead so we wouldn't have to go to some place unsafe in the middle of the night.

Well, as for the reason why I keep my friends inside my room is because we're LOUD people. I mean, we just can't help but be al BLAH BLAH BLAH and sometimes shouting when we're talking. I think that's one of the characteristics of UPians, but I'm not just so sure. All I know is if we stay in the living room, our voices will fill the entire house and would disturb my other boardmates and my landlady's children who are also in college right now. I cannot afford to disturb them as I do not own this place.

Apparently, my parents are too narrow minded as to not to understand this. Or maybe they do. Only, they got paranoid the last time because my other landlady had to shoo me away from her house as her daughter thought I was doing something wrong when MJ went to my room. (Well, he went there to confide about something really really bad and had nobody to talk to) This stupid neighbor reported to my old landlady's daughter that "nagpapapasok si shariz ng lalake sa kwarto niya" and probably said I did something with MJ. Which is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. DUH, HELLO. TANGA BA KAYO. I LOVE ANTON SO MUCH.

And yeah, back in second year my housemates got jealous and irritated that Anton was always with me so my parents had to call him and talk shit to him.

And I feared it was gonna happen again.

But you know what?

IT IS SOOOOOOOO WRONG.

1. I am already 20.
2. I am not STUPID and DUMB to do something to ruin my life
3. I feel like they went overboard, not TRUSTING ME and all.


The thing is, I know they're concerned about me and stuff. But Manang is never the kind of person who thinks of other people as wicked. At times I even feel like Manang understands me better than my parents. Plus, we have the same religion so we think a like. My parents on the other hand, are rotting conservative Catholics (pardon me, I do not mean to offend though. My point is only that I do not have the same philosophy as my parents.
i.e. having a boyfriend for them is losing my virginity. when in my case, we are taught to save our virginity for marriage)

Well anyway, I'm a bit calm now. I thank Ma'am Astudillo for enlightening me and for calming me down. Also I thank Anton for the never ending support. And MJ for the call.

As for my parents, I do not think I am ready to face them now.
They've done too much to hurt me. And I know they just did that out of rage. And they'll soon stop and say "hey, i think this is wrong" but that will be too late. They already hurt me and they cannot take that back. EVER.

This is not the only time they did this to me.
They NEVER listened to me. (I told them not to make my cousin take nursing because the demand is already diminishing and they still forced my cousin to do it. now look at my cousin, 2 years of unemployment. even volunteer nursing work won't work for him as it's full)
They never TRUSTED ME ENOUGH.
(heavens, they even made me take so many entrance exams for college fearing I'm not smart enough to pass just one)


I really don't know what to do. I just want to be away. I want to be somewhere where they cannot reach me.


This is going to be a long night.

mood: bored

I suddenly realized this world is such a boring place. It seems so peaceful and bright, and I want some action now.
I'd like to have an adventure.

They say be careful what you wish for.
But I really really do want something different to happen. I'm tired of going to school everyday, go home and eat and do my papers and surf the net and sleep. And wake up the next day to do the same thing over and over again. People today, the only difference they have with machines is the heart. Or perhaps the soul. Whatever you name it.

I wonder how it feels like when you're in the middle of a war?
Well, not the modern war, I'd like to go back centuries before this very day.
When feudal lords ruled the land and knights of different places met. And ladies held tea parties and talk about anything under the sun. When people wore different kinds of clothes.

Back when electricity was nothing but the thunder up in the sky.

Take me somewhere different, somewhere bizarre.

mood: relaxed
listening to: you belong with me - taylor swift

WARNING: MUSHY-NESS OVERLOAD.

My dad dropped by here twice--last saturday and yesterday. But he didn't stay here for too long as he had to go back to Manila. Silly me for not taking a bath early so I could hitch a ride on his helicopter and spend my short vacation (3 days) home.:( Fortunately, they went around the Laguna province, to Paete to be exact, and bought me a box of lanzones and rambutan which I am currently munching.:3

Today is the first day of Septmber year 2009. And in six week's time, I'll officially be graduating!errr, minus the thesis, that is. But yeah, I'm so excited!I no longer have to go to the university and listen to lectures and so. Most probably I'll keep on dropping by here to converse with my thesis partner and adviser but that's just it.:) No more classes for me, WAHOOOO~

Oh yeah, I have to pass my application form for the UP Law Aptitude Examination asap, so remind me my dear planner, to drop by at SM and have my picture taken *looks at organizer and then the mirror* Geez, I sure do look like a frog today.:3

Anyway, I'm still not sure what the hell am I do to this sembreak onwards. Perhaps I'll have to review my Nihonggo if I'll be applying for a law course in a Japanese university. I know Anton will be sad, and we have been talking about this for a very long time now. He suddenly asked me last week (though these are not the exact words already )"Kaya mo ba akong iwan?" And I was like

me: no..
anton: pano kung kailangan mong umalis? diba magaapply ka sa japanese university?

And so I was thinking hard..I do not want to leave him. Never. I swear (and though swearing is bad, I cannot find the right word as of the moment) I do not ever want to leave you, my prince. If you ask me, I'd rather stay here and finish law in the country than go abroad...ALONE and...*SNIFF* COLDDDDDDDDD...~ (emo!waha)
Love weighs more than mere knowledge (and that knowledge will never be wisdom). And love definitely surpasses fame and prestige.
But Anton said I shouldn't limit my dreams and I should pursue them..but..but..it's just so hard.:(
Well anyway, last night we were reminiscing the past, Anton and I.

anton: haay.. ang saya nung mga dati noh? nung bago palang tayo nagkakainlove-an..
me: tlga?nahihiya ako bigla.X.X
anton: bakit naman?
me:hm?wala lang..bkt, ano ba naisip mo?
anton:wala..lahat..ang happy eh. pagala-gala tayo, lagi ka naman sumasama sakin :)
me: ayii~ halata ba?
anton: yeah. lagi mo sinasabi na di mo ko mahal, pero lagi mo kong sinasamahan..
me: haha..gusto ko lagi kita kasama eh. ewan ko, nung una diba ilang ako sayo? pero nung tumagal na, hindi ko feel na safe ako pag wala ka sa tabi ko eh..
anton: yeah..sinabi mo nga sakin yun dati hon..:)
me: talaga?sinabi ko yun?di ko tanda..
anton: haha..sabi mo pa nga, hindi mo maintindihan, pero, dati gusto mo mag-isa ka lang naglalakad..pero ngayon di mo na kaya ng wala ako..haha
me: ay..i think i remember.
anton: diba? cute ng honey ko eh..:) konti konti mo kong natutunan mahalin..hanggang sa mahal mo na ako ng buo..
me: yeah..kaw kasi eh. hay. honey ko..sobrang thankful ako nakita kita.
anton: hala..i know..ako din naman. hon, pano kung di mo ko nakilala?
me: ewan ko :(
anton: wag ka ma-sad..kaw naman. di naman yun nangyari diba?
me: un(cute way of saying 'yes' in japanese)..hay. buti nalang..i've never been this happy..
anton: haay :) hon, sa tingin mo, kung wala ako..may iba kang bf?
me: sa tingin ko..wala..
anton: bakit naman honey ko? wala bang mangliligaw sayo? malabo namang wala..
me: meron. pero di ko sila gusto eh..ikaw lang..sa pagkadami-daming nanligaw sakin, ikaw lang minahal ko..
anton: shemay ka..napangiti mo ko dun :) i love you :)
me: what?:* totoo naman eh..mahal na mahal kita anton..
anton: i know :) ang lakas ko din eh..ako pa sinagot mo :)
me: di mo lang alam hon..sobrang perfect mo..
anton: di naman hon :*..wala namang special sakin eh..

**footnote (may ganon?haha): we use either honey or cherie to refer to each. ma cherie/mon cheri [well duh, french lang naman yun ng my honey haha. sorry naman!]

And because it was around 1am (I woke up at 6am yesterday!haha) I fell asleep on him..>.<>Sorry for the mushy-ness.
I just want to "Write" it on my journal so I will never forget. And if I do, I just have to go back to my journal and read them..:)
I would never be ashamed of posting mushy stuff and everything.. even the details of it..My memories may be stolen from me, and I fear of this idea..so I want to keep them somewhere accessible and (hopefully) this journal will always be here as long as the internet is alive.

mood: mixed emotions

I woke up today with a different concern in my mind. I have suddenly realized the hardship of being a graduating student. And how it is to be on this very position, that I ought to decide for myself what road I have to choose for the very first time.

Well, not really free, though. My dad still wants me to pursue law. And I will. I have to make the necessary preparations for the upcoming submissions of application from various universities here and abroad.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, hoping for the best.

My tears want to come out and bring along with them my burden. This is such a dramatic and overwhelming situation for me. I really have to choose what I want to do.

And just now, I remember back when I was a senior highschool student, when I tried various university entrance examinations, and not knowing where to go for college. And then there's this someone who backed me up all the way, HE, the powerful being who decided for me my journey. I am facing the same right now, and I would like to offer him everything I have.

Jesus take the wheel.

I am your most humble, obedient servant.


My father knows best, and I trust him.



So now, this very minute, I am confident.
Going back to my old self, RARARARARARARARAR~ FIGHTO DESU~

:D

mood: optimistic

I have never been this busy in my entire life. I have to thank everyone who have encouraged me to be the student I am today. Several times I do fail to do my best due to my laziness and my memory deficiency/ attention span, but then again, I do want to take part into these activities.
I don't really intend to be active in the society for the time that I have to study. But I guess it has always been a balance between two kinds of work in school. And I am running after fame and I definitely am not doing this so I can put something different in my resume or receive some certificate. Those things don't mean a lot to me. They're mere words written in a paper which can be torn apart anytime. I'm after the experience from the activity I join. So, yes. I again would like to thank all my mentors who have molded me into this person--for their patience and understanding.
I do appreciate everything offered in front of me, and I have no plans of backing out.
It feels good to have accomplished so many things that cannot be accomplished by everyone.
I think everything started when I played the piano back when I was a sophomore. Yeah, I remember. I guess you do also. I played the piano to accompany the UPB Chancellor during the christmas program.:) Of course, with kuya Jappy. If I was alone, I'd be trembling in fear. His presence made me comfortable, and not to mention his saxophone added to the charm of the songs we played. And thanks Sir Aris, for pushing me forward. It was a wonderful experience. After that, I have been active as a piano player and also a master of ceremony for several programs. And now I'm the head of the political science organization in the campus. At first I didn't want to, but I have great hopes for the organization and I want to contribute something before I leave this October. And I do admit I still am not a good leader. But I am learning from my mistakes and from the advices of my friends.

I end this journey with a smile on my face.
(Though I still have six weeks before I say farewell)
My experience as a university student is something I will never forget. Of course I won't forget the people whom I was with three and a half years I stayed in the university.

A lot of things have changed ever since I entered the university..in a good way.


All I can say after all these mushy things I said is, NOTHING BEATS UP BAGUIO.:)

I love you guys.
I love you UPB.

mood: energetic

Okay, so for the past two months, I can't sleep until the clock strikes 3am. So whenever I wake up it's either 12 noon or 1 in the afternoon. It's not really healthy for me, well it's basically not healthy but for me it's twice unhealthy as I'm anemic. Anyway, last night I slept quite early. At around 9:50pm and woke up at around 4am. The reason why I woke up early is that I have to study for my marketing economics exam by 10am. :3

Anyway, last friday and saturday and basically the the whole sunday when the sun was shining, I was basically celebrating for the very long vacation.:3 Consider that a long vacation, though I didn't have enough money to load credits on my phone that I couldn't text my hunny bunny much.:(

Yesterday I basically spent my time downloading Tsubasa Chronicles. WAAAII~ WAIIII~
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII~
It's so CUTE!
Gosh. I know I'm late. But I'm desperate to find a good anime. And I found one!

I lurv CLAMP!<3
But nothing beats Watase-sama.
But then...I don't know. CLAMP AND WATASE! <3

Off I go to review once again.

Have a nice day!:3

mood: depressed

Dad DID go here. But I only got to see him for around ten minutes max. Well, I really think he misses me cause when he saw me, he threw his arms around me and hugged me really tight. I remember Gomez Adams and his daughter Wednesday. And that's much like the scene a while ago. So yeah, I didn't get to go to the salon and I didn't do anything today but to surf the internet. It was a very unproductive day. And now I'm really sleepy.

I'm still thinking whether or not I'll be going to the thingy tomorrow..IF I WAKE UP, then I will.>.<
OH CRAP.
I HOPE I GET TO WAKE UP EARLY.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Why am I so careless today? GEEZ.

Anyway...sigh. I can't think straight right now, so.
Tomorrow.

Gnyt.:)

mood: grateful

I had the chance to talk to someone really special tonight.
And I have promised to come back and love him with all my heart.

Thanks, kuya. For everything. You're the best. :)

Tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Anddddddddddddddddddddddddd. Exam in Epistemology.:S RAAAR.

Good night.:)

mood: angry

And my cousin and tita told my mum on the phone that i posted bikini pictures online
WTF
AM I A 13 YR OLD KID OR SOMETHING?
OH, COME ON. IM TURNING TWENTY.
It's annoying whenever my dad's around and I can't even cross the street without my dad holding my hand and assisting me. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
ANNOYING!

AND IM NOT STUPID, STUPID.
I didn't post my pictures for the whole world to see. DUH.

WHERE ARE MY SIBLINGS WHEN I NEED THEM? GOD DAMN IT.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.




THAT'S WHY I AM EAGER TO GRADUATE! I HATE THIS FUCKING LIFE.
FUCKING ONLY CHILD SITUATION.
FUCKING OVERPROTECTIVENESS IT KILLS ME.

mood:enervated

Last monday I went to Letran to watch Anton's capping/pinning and candlelight ceremony. And since i didn't want to wear that ugly yellow, shiny thingy top my mum bought for me, I decided to wear my brown dress which I use at the uninversity. I looked like I was going to my class when i went to Letran :)) So then when I got there it was early enough to hang out with Anton (early meaning I arrived there before Anton did. at around 3:51pm lolz). Their call time was around four pm, but the students arrived at around 5:30 in the afternoon. Typical of Filipinos, of course. Anyway, we did nothing but to walk around the main building. His friends did not arrive early. Ara was the next to arrive with her grandma and cousins, and Virgie arrived with his mum and big sister. And I also saw Carol, Sheila and Anne.
Anne was so cute, she reminded me of Mommy Gisele. In fact, I thought I was waiving at mommy cel. My mind was floating when they passed by, and I was shocked to see that some girls were waving at me and I was like "O_o oh! HIIIII~". So then, when they walked away, Anne came back and said
"Ate Shariz! HIIII~!"
and I was still shocked and so I waved at her and replied "HIIII~"
And then she said "HIIIIIII~" again (complete with the Mommy cel bungisngis)
and then I was like "HIIIII~!" and was nodding and laughing.
Then she went back to her friends.
OOOHHH THAT WAS SO CUTE!
We looked like idiots back there, but it was just so cute..I apologized for not greeting her properly through SMS and promised to talk to her the next time I'll visit Letran.XDD

Anyway, Anton's mum wasn't around so I had to be with him and pretend to be his "Mum" and I was like "O anak, galingan mo ha." and he was like "opo mami. hahaha" and I was telling him "kelan kaya ako nagkaanak noh? 5 months palang ako may anak na ako.sosyal.hahha" and then his gay professor saw him and said
prof: anton yang undershirt mo ha, bakit di v-neck yan?palitan mo yan.
anton: opo..magbibihis nalang po ako
and the professor kept on ranting and then he left. and afterwards Anton was like
anton: hay nako. lagi nalang ako nakikita nun. bakit kapag may decorum ako nalang lagi nakikita.
me: hahahah. baka kasi ikaw lang talaga ganyan.
anton: ewan
me: kras ka nun. bakla kasi .hahhahahahahhaha! KRAS KA NUN! WAHAHAHAHA

and so, we were walking and the photographer took our photo (and i was think, DEAR ME. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO THIS?) and I also was carrying Anton's huge bag as the gay professor told him not to bring anything with him... and finally the ceremony began.
Well, it was really crappy since the speaker spoke for 45 minutes. And yes, I did check my watch from time to time, sighing and complaining. And oh, tita arrived and we talked. A bit. I WAS REALLY REALLY SHY.
But man, she was sooooo young. And hotttttttttt. For a mum. Compare her to my buddha mum (lol)..well, tita was something.XD She was really nice, but she's not talkative. But we got along pretty well. I didn't feel like I was talking to a mum. She's more of Anton's sister or something ;p Virgie was texting me the whole time, asking me to head towards the stage and curse the speaker and tell him to shut up. And asking how was I doing back there, with "my fufute mum" XDDDD And Anton was looking at the audience from time to time.
It was funny that they even sang at the end of the ceremony. We can barely hear them singing "I believe I can fly". Unfortunately, I left my camera at my grandma's place. And tita also did not bring a camera so we didn't take pictures. Virgie asked Ara to take a couple of pictures after the ceremony.

And while the ceremony was taking place, my mum was waiting for me infront of Letran together with my two little cousins. For 2 and a half hours.XDDDDDDDDDDD
I couldn't help but look at the watch every 5 minutes or so and calculating how long would each part of the cermony would be. The ceremony started at around 5:45pm and ended at around 8:20pm.

After the ceremony, we headed to Jollibee for me to have my supper. I texted Anton and Virgie to hurry so we could sitll see each other and chat. And we did. Well, it took ten years for us to finally reach the cashier. And another ten years for us to have our orders. And the rain suddenly poured. And I was telling them that "hala. papagalitan ako lalo ng mama at daddy ko." and we talked about random things while eating. And I had to eat fast as mymum was texting me (she was in the car with my two sleeping cousins) to leave as it was already 10 in the evening.
Mum couldn't drop Anton and tita to their home was we needed to go home pronto. The good thing was, they didn't scold me for watching the ceremony.
I am hoping I could visit Letran for the second time. XD

mood: bored

I'm now officially enjoying my summer vacation which will end on the 6th of April ;p (cause i have to enroll for the advanced summer classes on the 7th and go back to manila afterwards. and go to baguio on the 13th grrr.) REGARDLESS OF THAT STUPID SUMMER CLASSES....

Well, apparently, my father changed his plans. We were supposed to go to Puerto Galera this summer, but then my tita and three cousins..and probably an additional three more will be coming along with us. So then my dad was saying it would be okay IFF we're not that many as he will be the one to answer for all of the expenses. So then I have to consider the hugggeee amount of expenses and so we are to go to...ERRRRR..THE NEVER ENDING IBA, ZAMBALES.

Well, I told my mum Zambales is not that pretty anymore. The last time we went there, it felt like an abandoned place..but oh well. At least there's still the beach. I DEFINITELY NEED TO HAVE A TAN. AND TO STAY UDNERWATER FOR MORE THAN TWO MINUTES. MY LUNGS ARE SO WEAK DUE TO THE GOOD FOR NOTHING PLACE OF BAGUIO. I need my waterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am a mermaid. Not a "taong gubat/bundok" (i like to use that term, so barbaric! haha) ayyyyiiii~

My tita who lives in Iriga wanted us to visit mum's province as it's almost a decade since we last went there. SIGH. I was suggesting that we go to Sorsogon instead so we can swim with the whale sharks (if i dont get scared of it, it's still a shark! OMIGAAAAAD.) but then dad didn't approve of it... Zambales is sooooooooo over for me. My gosh. I just want to go to new places.

Dad also did not approve of us going to Bohol. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH. Annoying. Why spend so much money for ALL of us? It's not like tita has no job or something...OKAY, OKAY. Filipinos have to take care of the visitors, i know...FINE FINE FINE FINE. Sometimes I admire my dad's generosity. Sometimes it kills me.

Lalalala. Oh and btw, i saw my score in my monetary economics. I thought I was gonna flunk. But apparently, i got a 2.75 (hihi. not bad) for not passing the requirements and for not coming to class often. HAHAHAHA. I wonder how my other grades turned out? I'm quite nervous, actually. QUITE=VERY not QUITE=SLIGHT....grrrrrrrr. I really really want to graduate now. But of course..I feel bad that mum and dad bought me a new phone (although it's not that expensive compared to that 25++k phone I got when i was a sophie HS and SOMEBODY STOLE IT FROM ME.) but then it's the thought that counts.

Mum was like "o, ito oh. regalo namin sayo"
me: ano to? bakit, pasko ba?
mum: hindi. naisip lang namin na bigyan ka ng regalo, kasi sabi ng ama mo hindi naman daw nasasayang pera niya pang tuition mo at pangaral mo kasi magaganda naman grades mo
me: *sweatdrop* OMIGAAAAAAAD.I FEEL HORRIBLE. WHY DID YOU SAY THAT? oh no oh no oh no.............................

SWALLOW ME, EARTH.

It was indeed, terrible. I am not worthy to be praised. and i definitely am not worthy to be receving any gift from my parents right now. CROSS MY FINGERS. GOD PLEASE HELP ME. I DONT WANT TO SEE UBER LOW GRADES THIS SEMESTER.....IM SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A WORTHLESS STUDENT..I WONT DO IT AGAIN..DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THIS!*CCRRRRRRRRYYYY*

mood: victorious
listening to: the show - lenka

Anton said he felt kind of sickly yesterday, and he couldn't text me the whole day as he was busy with their tour in Makati. He told me how his body would complain due to unplanned events such as what happened yesterday. And now I figured, it's not possible that he be like that when he'll finally be my official fiance to the eyes of my parents as we lurrrvvvvv going around the Philippines at random times.

Dad said (and I think he is very nationalistic, in a way.lol) why go to other places when the home country offers just too much of a beauty..or something like that. I agree with his argument, of course. But I was just wondering why he's wasting so much to tourist spots here in the country...most of the time we go to tourist places just so we can tour our relatives around. We've been there for like a kazillion times (Subic most especially..NOT TO MENTION BAGUIO.RAAAR). It wouldn't hurt if we try to go abroad, right?

He never let me go with him abroad when I was a little girl, as he kept on reminding me to study first before doing other things. It's just a shame that he has world visa and he's not very fond of other places. And the reason is food. LOL. He can't seem to appreciate european AND AMERICAN food. So then, he just wants to stay here in the country. Enough of ranting about my father. Going back to Anton...well, I'm still thinking. He'll die if he eats seafood, and my family thrives on seafood. Especially when we're having a vacation at the beach. And yeah, the randomness in the family might complicate Anton's health as he told me.

The thought of it excites me. Once I graduate, he can go with us if we're going to other places. When I was younger, I didn't mind being alone with my parents during vacations since they tag my cousins along with us. But of course, my cousins now are also growing up and we have conflicting schedules. Hence, sometimes I'm alone (the only kid, that is) when we're out of town or so. Which is really sad. Sometimes I wish my siblings didn't die. Wished they didn't leave me. AND DEAR HEAVENS, MY DEAD SIBLINGS, WHY DIDN'T YOU CLING TO OUR MOTHER'S WOMB AS MUCH AS I DID? You losers.
Kidding.:D Please don't visit me this evening. Im so busy. ;P

HAH. I feel like I won a war or something.:)) Apparently, my Political Philosophy classmates (I'm the only junior in the class, they're all seniors. well technically, I'm already a senior) have not started with the last paper so when I went to the library (and was very eager to be there), the books were still there. Hopefully, I'll be able to do my paper tonight. WELL. If I'm not going to be lazy, that is. I'm not in the mood to think and move much as I want to go home.

MUSTGOHOMEMUSTGOHOMEMUSTGOHOMEMUSTGOHOMEMUSTGOHOME!

I also felt accomplished a while ago, since my monetary economics instructor said the paper we did for the second exam was excellent.:] YAAAAY~ And I thought I can no longer make up for the deficits in my grades. HIHI.

I think I'm going to paint once I arrive in Laguna.
It's been a year since I last painted something.
I miss painting.
And also, I have to learn new piano pieces. OOPS. I think it's not possible that I do that this vacation.
What else?

Oh. Dad said he's planning to pick me up at the airport on saturday so I can go home to Manila in an hour. Yeah, I'll most probably take the helicopter again. >_> ....what a shame. NOTE TO SELF: DONT EAT BREAKFAST ON SATURDAY. But there are complications that I need to address as MJ (my partner for the political behavior paper) is unavailable this week and hence, we are unable to finish the paper. SO. Oh. BUT. BUT. I want to go home..:S

SUMMER TIME, SUMMER TIME!
TAN TAN TAN TAN. Lalalalala.


LALALALALALA.:]
I'm so excited! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~

I'm also excited for my bestfriend's graduation!!!!!!!~

NAJMAH DINGCONG! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! SEE YOU SOON! MISS YOU!LOVE YOU!

oh I just want to see my loved ones again!
ANTON!
MAMA!
DADA!
DAPHNE!
KENJI!
KIMY!
CHIBI!
GAYGAY!
SHINCHAN!
YUKI!

I'm hyper. And I don't even know why. :D:D:D WEEE~

mood: mixed emotions..no really.
listening to: never gonna say goodbye-jojo

First, I'd like to thank Anton and MJ for helping me with my thesis proposal. Yesterday was our defense and yet I didn't feel embarassed, vulnerable or downhearted by Professor Cruz' comments. I was in fact happy it turned out that way, I mean me defending my qualitative proposal to the quantitative proposal session (I ended up there because of SOMEONE GAH.) But yeah, now I know what to do. And I'm so glad I didn't end up defending my paper to the OTHER instructor. RRAAAAR.

So now, I have two finals on friday (Political Behavior and Monetary Economics), three papers next week monday (Political Philosophy, Thesis Proposal final output, Political Behavior) which I am planning to finish this friday [hopefully!] so I can go home AT LAST to laguna on saturday lunch time (I still have my investment management class D:)

I feel so tired and exhausted already and the hell week's just starting.:( But I have to get through with this so I can go home........

I can't wait to be with Anton again!

Lately, we've been pondering about things..How we miss being together..him walking me to the university and back to my boarding house..Anton waiting for me outside of my class..Anton hanging out with me at Sm..us eating together at random restaurants even if we're broke..us laughing and just chatting..the little-est things we used to do.

He even said the other night, how he misses courting me and how (*laugh*) he misses me bullying him. LOLZ. Awwww, my hunny bunny. I love you just too much.<3 Feels like I'm falling in love for the very first time...

mood: exhausted

As much as I am trying not to be a coffee addict [AGAIN]..i just can't stop drinking the grande everytime. I'm getting used to the elitist crew of the Baguio Starbucks, but am still complaining why the fuck is their interior design so lame. It's so ugggleh. Well anyway, today my laptop screwed up and I am panicking as my second paper in ancient and medieval political philosophy is due by tomorrow. AND AND AND I'm not yet done with my paper...AND I couldn' t find my professor a while ago [although i waited in vain for an hour or so] so I can't tell him I my problem...so I don't know if tomorrow will be such a nice day.

Actually, I'm feeling kind of lose in a sense that I'm starting to feel like I'm graduating. BLLLEEEHHHHHH. I'm cutting classes and not thinking about my requirements like so much and...I don't know..I just want to go home and have fun. AND GET MY DIPLOMA. PLEASE.

Wil's celebrating her 20th birthday today! We went to eat merienda and we saw this thingy audition for the Survivor second season and we were laughing at the people...it's just too lame. suck-y.

MJ was insisting that I audition for the PBB Teen edition.
WTF.
NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Well, aside from the fact the Direk Dyogi is my distant relative, well I can get in without having to audition but! I'm not into the fame thing, really. I'm happy to be me and I need not the fame to help me survive in this freakin' world. WELL.


It's troubling me why whales are starting to disturbing the fishermen communities in the Philippines (in Bataan and Romblon)..and I feel sorry for the poor little animals :( well, not literally as they're not really little, /heh but then..SIGH.

I WISH I HAVE THE POWER TO HELP THEM.
I DONT KNOW.
I DONT WANT TO SEE THEMS SUFFERING.
THERE'S A VERY BIG PLACE IN MY HEART THAT BEATS FOR THE ANIMALS.
It's like, if I see a pig murdered (butchered, of course) and a person murdered (murdered murdered, of course.lolz), I'd ignore the human and pity the pig.:( I DON'T LIKE SEEING PEOPLE HURTING MY POOR ANIMALS!

What else?
Oh. Uhm... mama bought me three new dresses last week. Dad bought me this tube-ish undergarment for my two dresses and I'm not so comfortable with it..really. I'm not into girly girly stuff. LOLZ But okay, as promised I will be. little by lit<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">mood: exhausted</span><br><br>As much as I am trying not to be a coffee addict [AGAIN]..i just can't stop drinking the grande everytime. I'm getting used to the elitist crew of the Baguio Starbucks, but am still complaining why the fuck is their interior design so lame. It's so ugggleh. Well anyway, today my laptop screwed up and I am panicking as my second paper in ancient and medieval political philosophy is due by tomorrow. AND AND AND I'm not yet done with my paper...AND I couldn' t find my professor a while ago [although i waited in vain for an hour or so] so I can't tell him I my problem...so I don't know if tomorrow will be such a nice day.<br><br>Actually, I'm feeling kind of lose in a sense that I'm starting to feel like I'm graduating. BLLLEEEHHHHHH. I'm cutting classes and not thinking about my requirements like so much and...I don't know..I just want to go home and have fun. AND GET MY DIPLOMA. PLEASE.<br><br>Wil's celebrating her 20th birthday today! We went to eat merienda and we saw this thingy audition for the Survivor second season and we were laughing at the people...it's just too lame. suck-y.<br><br>MJ was insisting that I audition for the PBB Teen edition.<br>WTF.<br>NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.<br>Well, aside from the fact the Direk Dyogi is my distant relative, well I can get in without having to audition but! I'm not into the fame thing, really. I'm happy to be me and I need not the fame to help me survive in this freakin' world. WELL.<br><br><br>It's troubling me why whales are starting to disturbing the fishermen communities in the Philippines (in Bataan and Romblon)..and I feel sorry for the poor little animals :( well, not literally as they're not really little, /heh but then..SIGH.<br><br>I WISH I HAVE THE POWER TO HELP THEM.<br>I DONT KNOW.<br>I DONT WANT TO SEE THEMS SUFFERING.<br>THERE'S A VERY BIG PLACE IN MY HEART THAT BEATS FOR THE ANIMALS.<br>It's like, if I see a pig murdered (butchered, of course) and a person murdered (murdered murdered, of course.lolz), I'd ignore the human and pity the pig.:( I DON'T LIKE SEEING PEOPLE HURTING MY POOR ANIMALS!<br><br>What else?<br>Oh. Uhm... mama bought me three new dresses last week. Dad bought me this tube-ish undergarment for my two dresses and I'm not so comfortable with it..really. I'm not into girly girly stuff. LOLZ But okay, as promised I will be. little by little.<br><br>The defense for the thesis proposal will be on monday, the 9th of march. two of my exams next week also, reporting and another paper. make that two more papers. and one exam on the 21st of March.<br><br>And since the gap between my second to the last exam and my last exam is almost a week, I decided to go home to Laguna and VISIT ANTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~<br> <br>Yay~<br>I miss my hunny bunny.:3<br><br>Of course, my home as well.<br>I'm very talkative today.<br><br>Must be the coffee+wine<br><br>OH OH OH.<br>We went to Session road today, searching for free taste of wine/food but all in vain.<br>Steph found this bugnay waine (5 bucks per shot) so we ordered and it was her first time. Apparently, she has very low tolerance when it comes to alcohol. LOL. <br><br>SO THERE.<br><br> </div> </body> </html>

mood: excited

I can't believe February's almost over. It's been a busy month, but I enjoyed it. I got over crying over my thesis proposal, and I'd like to do my best to pass all the requirements before the end of the semester, of course. I just want to see my home again. My living room. My attic. my pets. mum's living room. the master's bedroom. my old room. the kitchen. the bathroom. the garage. my dad's chickens. the street. everything. i miss waking up after lunch and watching TV the whole day and not worrying about anything.

And, Anton promised to visit me when I get home, and I'll also try to visit Letran if possible.:] My internet connection was busted for almost a month. So I couldn't post anything for a while.
Oh, Anton made me play Valkyrie [RO] so I have something to do, to distract me. I think it's not a very nice thing to do while studying..Not that I'm an addict or so. But I like watching people. Sometimes I find myself [my character] sitting on one place and watching other characters and when i'm "lucky" i get to talk to them as well.

I want to go home. I. want. to. go. home.

I want to eat tons of food again. And try adjusting with the climate.

Panagbenga festival this saturday, yes. I think my parents and tita will visit me here and see the floats. But I'm not so sure.... i hope so. I'm dying to eat good food again. :S

Gosh, I'm craving for pasta and pizza. It's been a month of torture.:(:(:(

I live on bread. well sort of bread. Since i'm trying to save money. heeeeeeeeeeeee

Anton wasn't around yesterday but it doesn't mean that we both didn't enjoy the 14th day of February. We actually did. Although the only thing we could do was to text each other. And think about everything we've been through. He was kind of pissed off when he found out that his globe account got busted yesterday, hence i couldn't receive his messages and he ran out of credit. Haha, that was very crappy. But then before I went to sleep, he texted me something.

mood: lax

Oh, I'm just so suprised to know that I won't be so busy this week. I hope.:] Anyway, On the 9th and 11th of February, I will be performing with Ms. Rosellini Mamaclay (Moki) with the following songs:


Also on the 11th, I will be managing this debate thingy in the university. Well, I still have a lot to think about since I'm not originall the person in charge and the task was just passed to me by our very unproductive org leader ;p HIHI. I don't know what will happen, but I'm not going to prioritize it since a student just asked me to do it for her. LOL
it's not like the piano playing where my Professor in International Politics and the adviser of the org asked me to perform. LOL And it was so funny cause the first time he announced it, he said I was going to play the violin. HOW I WISH I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE VIOLIN.LOL They say I look like a violinist. But no, I'm just a simple piano player.hihi :]

As usual, I will be playing the piano. Make that the KEYBOARDS since we can't use the auditorium's piano.:S Anyway...dad, mum and my little cousin Patis went here yesterday and I was so relieved to see them. Mama fixed my room and found out my room was tidy. She also bought a new matress cause the matress I used in my room before was an old one and my landlady hasn't bought a new one, so Mum thought of buying me a new one so I can sleep properly. Also, my cousin got sick so then she woke up thrice last night and threw up and cried all the time. Dad basically didn't have much sleep and he was laughing at me cause I was sleeping like a vampire in the morning and I didn't even wake up when my cousin was crying like a hell. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
What can I say? It's so niiiiiiiiiiiceee to finally have a very long time to sleep and rest after not being able to do so for the past two weeks. :]

Lalalala. At least my dad bought my old keyboards with me, I won't be having some difficulty rehearsing. I actually know some of the songs already since I've been playing it since HS..I'll just have to relearn it. HEE.

And yeah, Siska Bardyn, another Belgian person who's going to have her OJT/intership here in the Philippines arrived last 28th of January. And finally I have someone to talk to. Apparently, she likes my company and she talks a lot when I'm around. Most of the time she would text me and ask me if I'll be visiting her cause I think the people where she's staying now are not really intellectually talkative.LOL Or something. HAHAHAH.>:]

February will be a very busy month, I can tell. But in a good way.
I hope I won't be dropping any subjects, too! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~ My gosh. One sem to go and I'm done! I can't wait!

mood: extremely tired, not in the mood, pissed off, VERY PESSIMISTIC


God damn that thesis proposal. I am so freaking tired and drained already! I also was disappointed and furious after hearing that Anton could not visit yesterdays since he got sick and his allergy was triggered and blah blah blah. So annoying, this unjustly world I am in! Never in my entire life did I cry over a STUPID SUBJECT. DAMN IT. I now am wondering why I even allowed my father to make me take up a course I NEVER EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR THOUGHT OF TAKING. BY HEAVENS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ECONOMICS IN UP BAGUIO? It's so different in UP diliman...I'd rather take economics in diliman and compute all day than trying to figure out the theoretical framework of economics and even apply it to the formulas! YES! FORMULAS NEED THE THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK IN ORDER TO FUNCTION WELL, HENCE OUR COURSE WHICH...apparently economics used to be a course focused more on COMPUTATION, NOT THEORETICAL ANALYSIS.

Heavens, it's like taking economics+philosophy (but less fun!) +political science all at the same time! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Well of course, I'm ranting. BUT BUT BUT BUT.
I just don't understand this situation I am in.
And I don't even have something to look forward to at the end of these HORRIBLE, WRONG TURNS. MY.HEAVENS.

Oh so. Anyway, I'm very busy right now, so..............................................


HAH.
MY COUSIN MATET DID NOT PASS THE UPCAT.
MWAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :))
I'm so evil. >:D

mood: sickly but optimistic :]

I went to the lab today. Well, went too early so I dropped by the univeristy library for three hours before I went back to the lab. It was so funny cause the doctor and his assistant thought I was a foreigner since I never said a filipino word. And I kept on talking to the doctor and he was really nice, it was the first time I encountered a male doctor for my check-up. It was kind of awkward, especially when he asked if it was okay that he placed the stethoscope inside my shirt.>_> But then I said it was okay, since he's a doctor. Well, apparently these are the things he told me:

1. I have chronic tonsilitis/pharyngitis
2. that's why i have to stay awya from cold stuff. but I can take in sweet stuff as long as i drink plenty of water afterwards.
3. I have allergic rhinitis ever since AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. LOL
4. that's why I get tonsilitis very easily + cold stuff
5. he thought I was a nursing student cause I know a lot of anatomy stuff.LOL
6. He said my heart rate was not normal, mine was 90 and the normal rate ranges from 60-80
7. I have an appointment next monday to check if my condition improved and also to check my heart again.
8. If ever my heart gets pretty crappy again, I'll be undergoing a test to see if i have Rheumatic Heart Disease [OH MY!]
9. He asked me if I get tired easily and I said yes...so he really needs to check my heart the next time.
10. I need not worry since we have to start from scratch and he'll observe my improvement, not to mention he needs to take care of my allergy.


And here are the things I told him:
1. It was the four seasons smoothie's FAULT!LOL
2. This kind of sickness has always been my problem ever since I was a little kid
3. Maybe my allergy's connected to my dad's weak lungs and I inherited some of his weak genes..i'm not sure.LOL
4. I'm not a nursing student but my dream was to be a neurologist..but then my father wants me to be a lawyer so I have no choice.
5. So having that kind of rate is a bad thing??????????????OH MY.
6. I get tired very easily. Most of the time I find it hard to breath especially when I'm coughing
7. WAIT. I HAVE TO TAKE AUGMENTIN..........AGAIN?!

He was telling me why didn't I pursue taking med as my course..and I told him I have no choice..and also, I told him I'm not from Baguio and I'm just studying here in UPB and he asked me why I chose this campus and was even teasing me whether my boyfriend's here..and I said NO NO NO NO..Actually, he's in Los Banos..and he's not really my boyfriend YET cause I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend right now.hehehe. And he looked at me and told me "Okay..well, I'm not your father so I won't get mad. As long as I'm not your father you can tell me things." And I was laughing.XDDDDD OOPS.

It's fun talking to people like doctors and judges..they know a lot of stuff and I learn from them.:] I'm not usually talkative to people of my generation...TRALALALALALALALALA.

I don't know. I know I should feel down right now but I'm not. :] I know I'll get well, I have to! And the things I have to do this week can't make me feel down too! Maybe it's because I'm looking forward for sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:] YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY IT.

So there. BRING IT ON, BUCKO! I'll conquer everything just to see my prince! YAYYYY~

mood: very excited

But first! I have to do my thesis proposal..which basically talks about the kyoto protocol..And damn it I can't change my topic cause the deadline's on Wednesday..and my research problem about "Should Baguio focus more on the tourism sector or educational sector for economic development?" or something like that...I don't know.LOL It was kind of a good idea..AND MY DAD WHO ARRIVED FOUR HOURS LATE JUST MADE ME REALIZE HOTEL INDUSTRY AND TERTIARY SCHOOLS BOTH END UP ATTRACTING TOURISTS, CONSIDERING STUDENTS WHO ARE NOT FROM BAGUIO ARE LOCAL TOURISTS. DANG. But then I'm sticking with the kyoto protocol issue since it's the first problem I presented....sigh. This is not going to be a good sight. I might look like an anti-environmentalist if I prove that the Kyoto Protocol did nothing good regarding the economic development of industrialized countries and hence, it is not apt to be pursued beyond 2012 for the developing countries. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG.

When is he when I need him?
THERE. UP IN THE SKY, LIKE A LOST SUPERMAN. But not really lost. He's better when navigating the skies, not the land. Said it's pretty much different driving a car and a helicopter/plane. I always tell him he's the only pilot I know who gets lost. Hah, speaking of pilot...isn't it fun when people ask me what's my dada's job and I tell them, "my father's just a driver..sniff..." heeeeeeee:3 OOOOOOOHHH ANYWAY...


So!After my thesis comes my Political behavior exam..which I think is pretty easy and I just have to read the assigned readings and memorize a bit...and then to revise my A- paper in Medieval Political Philosophy...HAH. And I thought I was going to have a C. LOL Turns out, even if I'm the only junior student in this senior class..I'M DOING OKAY.:] And I'm starting to love Professor Ali, too. He makes me laugh out loud now..compared to the first month when he used to make me frown and contradict what I say.:| And I have to pass my Chapter 1 of the thesis on friday...and the chapter 2 on the next friday...and the final output on Investment Management regarding the fall of the Big 3 on saturday. Enough of the rants.

I have to finish everything within the week. Since I have to give my sunday and monday to..heeeeeeeeeeeee :3 I'm so excited! I don't know what to do..I don't really think we can go someplace else as Baguio's such a little city..but then, I just want to be with him!So maybe we'll do some karaoke and photoshoot and...uhm, walk around the mall like we used to?

Whatever..off I go to sleep now!:]

mood: still tired. toxic. but optimistic


..That this hell month shall soon pass and I'll conquer everything!LOL. Gosh. I got my econ 121 exam results and I passed... HAHAHAHA! Pass meaning I got the passing score BLEH ;P Anyway...I was asking Pat where to find good ukay stuff since I'm not really good at it..and then she gave me some tips and..I don't know. Maybe I'll try it next week, when if not busy! I forgot to buy mittens, bonnets and scarves last year...so I'm definitely going to buy myself those this time! And I'm not going to whine while walking down session road either. *gulp* I HOPE.

Whatever the case, I'll teach myself how to knit.HEHEHEHEHE. I hope I'll learn how, since I'm uber busy these days. DEAR HEAVENS please I don't want to go through a lot of things this month..I'm soooooooooo not in the mood to move and think much because of the temperature.

Anyway, happy knitting to me! I'll try to buy the materials tomorrow..I'm not really good at doing household girly girly chores...I only know how to plant..not to stitch whatsoever...except cooking fo course!Well anyway..I'm just talking nonesense again..I should probably go to sleep now.

Nanyt :]

mood: wasted, distressed and frozen

First stop: weather forecast. Average Temperature ranges from 9C-12C this week.[Baguio] Lowest is 8C on thursday or so and BEYONDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! Expect the sun to shine and the rain to visit by afternoon throughout this week for people currently in Baguio. Uhm, I don't think I have to say this as Baguio's weather is pretty much similar to London...although London of course is worse than this place when it comes to that matter..but well, I'm just saying. I got that from PAGASA...since dad assigned me to be his weatherforecaster for the week AGAIN...I think he'll be visiting me this weekend if he has a flight schedule. YAY!~

Oh I am feeling much like a human being now. Being the ice princess for so long..I just realized I started to feel the icy wind of Baguio ever since Anton hugged me! No, seriously. I'm not talking sensual here..but the warmth I felt from him when he hugs me..it's a different kind of warmth that makes you feel so relaxed, safe and loved.:] Much like the feeling you get when you have a sauna.:] Speaking of sauna..I haven't dropped by a spa for months! My body's aching like hell..and not to mention my brain is suffering from hemorrhage due to my econometrics class!


last stop!

DEAR HEAVENS. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo regretting that I allowed my father to make me take an economics course! TOTAL, FREAKING HEMORRHAGE COURTESY OF PROFESSOR MENDOZA'S ECONOMETRICS CLASS! This is freaking not happening. SOOOOOOOOOOO NOT HAPPENING! THIS IS MORE THAN JUST YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! IT'S LIKE............THE NIGHTMARE OF THE NIGHTMARE OF THE DOOMEST DOOM or whatever I just made it up you know that.

I can't put into words how I see econometrics!It's the worst thing I've ever encountered so far as economics is concerned! GOSH. Help me God. I do not deserve this kind of torture. i should be taking up Medicine, happily experimenting with blood and sucking other people's blood to quench my thirst---I mean, taking out blood samples and helping other people cure their ailments..http://ayabarnette.multiply.com/swt.

WELL, ANYWAY. REALITY CHECK=IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD-Sir Ali Ciencia.



Oh. I suddenly remembered a quote from Sir Ali!

EHEM..

-Professor Ali Ciencia, when he talked about one very intelligent person who commited suicide just because he was heartbroken. note that this person jumped off the building at 8am and died at 11am, suffering for three hours. POOR GUY.

mood: wasted

Okay, this is a non-cheezy blog entry.

AHEM. It's the first week of January classes and I'm freakin' dizzy I don't know what to do with myself. I've got tons of exams and requirements to pass. So many things to do, so little time! Oh, and not to mention I AM NOT GETTING ANYTHING FROM MY ECONOMETRICS CLASS. I mean, come on. WTF is with the formulas and us not applying it.*sob* Ma'am Mendoza wants us to know the formulas by heart, to predict what will happen if variable X is negative and stuff like that. Oh yeah, those derivatives and more calculus things I already forgot since I took it back in summer 2007! That was like, a kazillion years ago..>_>

Anyway, good thing is, Anton went to the university now!It's the start of their classes, "lucky" for him. And he texted me, too. That was suprising. But of course, I won't be complaining..duh.

And uh, Anton's visiting on the second week of Feb, I'M SO EXCITED! WEEE~ I miss him already! I can't wait to see him with me here again!I just hope my parents won't be visiting that week too...so. Uhm.

And, uhmm...what else? I can't wait to go home. We saw the schedule a while ago and it says there: "END OF CLASSES MARCH 13, START OF SUMMER CLASSES APRIL 14"
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay~ I've got a longer time to relax>:3 I can't wait to go home.
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AGAIN.TRALALALALALALA.~

Oh, and apparently I have some kind of physical problem right now. I'm still thinking whether I'll visit the doctor for a check up or not. HMMM. Maybe tomorrow? Ohhh, but that means I'm going to spend extra money again and I feel bad for getting sick :(


Well anyway...ever since Dad gave me that "OK" signal regarding Anton and him courting me...I just want to finally meet his family and relatives too! I mean...I'm really really shy but..I really do want to meet them..and hope that they'd like me.T_T I'm so scared.

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy


But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

Oh, oh, oh

'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and he pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

We were both young when I first saw you

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahaha.Sorry. I just find this song really really cute :3 I've been singing it for months and it makes me feel giddy and zippy RARARARARARARAR!:3 Hahaha. Of course it's so overrated for me to look at Anton as some kind of Romeo.LOL But it's just soooooo cute.

When we was still in Baguio, walking together was not simply walking and laughing together. At random times, he would ask me "Will you marry me?" And of course my first reaciton was "WTF, what are you saying?" then I'd look at him as if he's a weirdo and I'd laugh and I'd tell him to ask it again the next time when he kneels before me with the perfect ring haha. But well, he would always ask me that question every now and then. And I kept on asking myself why he was doing that because the answer to that simple question is a simple YES.

I'm just happy my father's starting to appreciate Anton. :] I think..I think my MUM IS THE REAL CULPRIT HERE. Just using my dad's name to tell me not to hang out with Anton too much cause that's what my mum always do to me and my cousins and my other relatives. HARUMPF.

Anyway..sorry im flooding with cheezy blog entries lately. I'm just SO HAPPY I have got to express what I'm feeling inside or else I'm going to be like a rocket zooming into outer space!


P.S. more cheezy blog entries to follow. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

mood: giddy!


Anton visited my place for the second time yesterday!:] Well, he was supposed to arrive at around 10am but then he got stuck somewhere so he arrived an hour and a half late. Nanay (my mum's mother) was like "Tanunging mo nga siya kung may lahi siyang Intsik. Kasi ang mga intsik tanghaling tapat umaakyat ng ligaw" and I was like "Nay naman. Di noh. Natraffic lang po yun, hindi nga po chinito yun eh." And Nanay was telling me not to pick fair skinned guys and stuff like that. ;p

So then...Anton met my relatives. Two of my younger cousinettes (Kat and Melrose, the ones we brought along in Pagudpud) and Nanay and Tita Meng (mama's younger sister) and her husband, Tito Vic :]

What did we do? Basically nothing.LOL
Just chatting outside. Him getting bitten by CHIBI! He was like "AAAAHHH!KINAGAT AKO!"
And I was like "Hindi yan! Hindi marunong mangagat sila Yuki" and then Anton was pointing at Chibi and I started to laugh and I told him "Ay..except pala dyan. HAHAHHA Sorry nalimutan ko sabihin ;p" And chibi kept on looking at Anton and barking at him and everytime chibi would walk towards our seats anton would get up.HAHAHAHHA. CUTE.

But then he said it didn't hurt! Just a little scratch, i think.XDDD
So then when my relatives left, and nanay crying when she bid farewell and hugged me...uhm...well, we looked at my photo albums and...browsed through my dusty collection of Questor back in grade school. And talked about Code Geass. And talked about him leaving the country after he graduates :(

He was like "22 pa ata ako ggrad. intayin mo nalang ako."
I was like "22 ka na pag aalis ka na dito. Hindi pa ako tapos maglaw nun.24 pa ako ggrad. Ikaw pa ang magiintay sakin noh."

Well...I don't think we'll be able to pursue the scholarship in Japan together..which made me think..I think I'd pass being a scholar of whoever wealthy person may it beMr.Madgrigal-Bayot or who..I just want to study Law where Anton is. And I guess UP-Diliman's the best thing to pick. :S WAAAAAAAAAA. I can't bear being away from Anton again!:( NO.:(

Anyway, Anton left at around 5 in the afternoon. Actually, I didn't want him to go yet but..dad asked me if Anton can go home early since we're leaving for Baguio the next day which is today. SIGH.


BUT!
THE GOOD NEWS IS...TA-DA!
DAD SAID, AND I QUOTE "Mabait naman pala si Anton eh. Sana hindi siya magbago"

And deep inside me, even if I was playing Fire Emblem for the third time and was busy..my heart went skipping and I wanted to scream! YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY~


OF COURSE DAD, HE IS! I WON'T LET HIM NEAR ME IF HE'S NOT THE PERFECT ONE FOR ME! WEEEEEEEE~


And there.
I'm so happy we're together yesterday. :]

mood: blissfully happy

You know, I don't care about what you say. I love Anton and I know we'll be together forever. We're tired of hearing you whine and say "huwag kang magsalita ng tapos"...I mean, come on..with this postmodernism-ISM thing going on, why won't you just apply it to love, too? I am not the same person as you are, he's not the same as another man. We have different lives and perspectives. So I tell you, "huwag ka rin magsalita ng tapos" as you can never know what lies in the future. Err, well, but if you can see the future then go ahead. Otherwise, just leave us alone.Our story will never be the same as yours so quit warning us about something that is basically common sense of which we will never end up with. Okay?

This world has turn so cold and chaotic. But then there's always a sanctuary you can find if you really really want to find it. Im just "lucky" I found mine. It's just a manner and matter of patience and trust.

I love him so. I love him more each day. He loves me just the same. And I'm soooo happy we found each other.

AND GOD, AM I BEING SOOOO CHEEZZY..BUT THE HELL I CARE. IT'S ANTON WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!

Where was I? Oh yeah. Anton's not my ideal boyfriend..but he's perfect for me...uh, yeah it's kind of confusing but read between the lines. And he said I'm perfect for him. Perfect match :]

May you please do me a favor? Just leave us alone and don't assume things which are just possibilities. In the end you will always know the truth. If we are to break up, then fine we're not meant for each other..we're wrong and we're naive. It's okay. But if we do make it in the end and die in each other's arms..then that's ever better. But for now, just mind your own business. We're tired of hearing you say the same things over and over again.


Anton said, if you cannot give everything to the person, if you let a piece of doubt in your heart..then you shouldn't love at all. Well, I say..in the first place it will never be giving love at all. Because love comes after trust. And with doubt it means that you haven't fathomed the meaning of trust at all. And hence, you're not even in the position to know love.

That's the problem with the world now. You can't distinguish love from infatuation. In fact, it is hard for humans to know what love means. Love will never be just a feeling. It's a decision. A decision that cannot be reversed or trampled since it changes your life forever.

We only get to live once.
And I've decided to love Anton.
Anton decided to love me just the same.
That cannot be reversed.
We only get to love once.


We are to marry someday. Travel to places together. Live together. Anton will take me out on a date on weekends. Then we'll have two kids. I'll cook for him everyday and welcome him home. We'll raise our kids well and have stable jobs. And we'll die in each other's arms. These are us daydreaming..and we never get tired of talking about the future every single day.

We both have to work hard to have a bright future. For ourselves and especially for our kids. That's the plan. I can't wait to be Anton's wife.:]

It's funny to know that when I was a little kid, I wanted to be a nun. And I tried to hold onto that until HS graduation. Even mum recently said "Akala ko ba magmamadre ka" after hearing me say Anton will officially be my boyfriend once I finish my course which will be next year October...AND NOT AFTER LA PROPER GRADUATION [PLEASE, THAT IS TOO MUCH!].. and well...
Sorry, I'm no longer under the Catholics.
And Anton's just the same. We're born agains and we share the same views.

I love Anton so much.
We've got to face a lot of preparations and we're starting now.:]


OH. I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE WITH HIM EVERYDAY! Even if we never stopped communication with each other since the 11th day of October 2006. :] I'm never tired of talking to Anton. He's the best guy I've ever met. And no, I turn down all other suitors and stalkers and the like. And I never seriously look at other guys. Anton's the same. We're both AB-normals when it comes to love. :3

WELL, HEY. HE SAID I'M SMART, NICE, HOT AND PRETTY. So what else would he ask for? Hahaha. >;p I say ANTON'S TALL DARK AND HANDSOME AND SMART AND REALLY REALLY NICE.

mood: delighted

Oh I can't use my globe net here at home. I don't know, it's crappy and it wont connect. Anyway, since I'm using my prepaid smartbro and I'm in a rush, I'll just tell you three things I experienced so far.

1. Anton went to my place last Dec25 around 5:30pm hihi.:] He bought us cake and we played chess. He lost to me, though. That's his fault for making me do that move I was not supposed to make ;p We didn't really do so much since he left at around 9pm. I just showed him around the house and introduced my dogs to him. Dad seemed nice. IT MADE ME WANT TO JUMP AND HOP HOP HOP AND SPIN AROUND like a crazy little girl. Although christmas day was gloomy due to the rain, it was fun hanging around with Anton. So yeah, we basically played gameboy emulator the whole time he as here. And did I mention we were both astounded because my parents didn't kill him when he stepped into our place??

2. Our neighbor, Tita Irish, is pregnant and is about to give birth to a baby boy. And by heavens, she's got a really really big baby bump. I was about to ask if she got twins but I found out it was just a baby boy. It was hard for her to sit down, walk and stand and she's always supporting his lower back region with his hand. I was like "OMG WHAT IF I GET PREGNANT AND I'LL BE LIKE THAT TOO? OH.MY." at the bakc of my mind..but..whew..it's scary to be a mum.

3. My dad's cousin fro, Cebu arrived last night and we went to EK a while ago to take pictures and stuff. Tomorrow we'll be going to Subic to show her around the places. I asked dad if we can go fishing by the fishermen's wharf but then mum was rejecting my idea. GRRRRRRRRRRR.

I hope it goes well for Anton and my parents. REALLY.
I'm so glad his first encounter with the HITLERS was okay. Well, dad didn't know Anton's dad is dead..and he basically interoggated Anton but Anton's so nice and I think he felt it. WELL HE SHOULD. BY GODS, ANTON IS THE NICEST GUY I'VE EVER KNOWN.

mood: pissed off

NAKAKAINIS.
Hindi na ako pumuntang christmas party ng mga kulasa. PAMPAM kasi sila mama. Wag daw akong umalis ng bahay kasi katawatawa daw suot ko.Pakialam ko ba. Eh ito gusto kong suotin.
1. sayang yung damit, once ko lang nagamit nung debut ni Jam
2. sawang sawa na ako sa pantalon at shorts
3. gusto ko nga sana magtights na blak eh wala naman akong matinong top. meron ngang top na binili, mukha naman akong buntis.

alam mo, this is more than just this petty clothes im wearing.
THIS IS MORE THAN JUST THAT.
SAWANG SAWA NA AKO.
PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO.

Bakit ganon?
Ginawa ko naman lahat para sa kanila ha.
Sinukli ko na lahat ng hirap na binuhos nila sakin.
UPian ako. Mataas naman grades ko. Wala akong bisyo. Wala akong sandamakma na mga manliligaw. Hindi ako buntis. Hindi ako lakwatchera. Hindi ako shopping ng shopping ng kung anuanong mga abubot na di naman kailangan. Di ako nagpapabili ng mga kung ano mang di naman kailangan. Hinihintay namin ni Anton go signal nila bago kami maging magkasama.

Ang sama ng loob ko for Anton. Kasi, sincere naman si Anton. Oo, hindi nga mayaman si anton. masyado xang payat, at mukhang babakla-bakla na walang alam sa mundo..pero hindi naman nila kilala si Anton eh. Kahit naman ala ng madami na may itsura si Anton, hindi siya katulad ng mga ibang guys dyan na babaero at basta basta nalang naiinlove. Hindi siya manloloko. At never niya kong ginalaw. Ang sama tlga ng loob ko kasi, noon si Anton nung hindi pa kami magkakilala, patapon daw buhay niya..sobrang laki ng pinagbago niya nung nagkakilala kami kasi nagsipag na siya magaral.

Sa totoo lang, kaya naamn siya pumaayag magnursing sa letran kasi iniisip niya future namin eh. Sinikmura niyang malayo sakin at kumuha ng isang course sa isang university na hindi naman karapatdapat para sa knya. Para lang mapatunayan niya kanila mama na kaya niyang magkaron ng trabaho na disenteng makakakuha siya ng madaming pera. Tutal, yun lang naman ang kulang sa kanya eh. PERA.

Putang inang PERA YAN. PERA LANG YAN.
Alam mo, si Anton..kahit loser siya, mahal ko siya. Matalino si Anton at sobrang bait na tao. Kung alam niyo lang. Lagi ko nga yan pinapaiyak eh. Lagi nalang ako yung nangaaway. Never niya kong inaway. Anong gusto niyong hanapin ko? Yung taong mayaman pero wala naman kwenta yung puso o yung utak? WAG NA NO.
Anton has everything besides MONEY.

PERA, WALA NAMAN YAN EH. PERA LANG YAN. PWEDENG MAKUHA YAN NG MADALIAN LANG. HINDI NAMAN UMIIKOT ANG MUNDO SA PERA LANG.

Nasasaktan ako for Anton, kasi hindi kami pwdeng magkita. Lagi nalang patago. Gustong gusto nga niya pumunta sa bahay para maintroduce ko siya formally kanila mama eh. Kaso sabi wag na kasi baka barilin pa siya ni dad. Actually, tinanong ko si ma kung pwde dumalaw sa bahay si Anton this christmas eh. hindi nagreply si mama. Wag nalang. Baka kung ano pa mangyare.

Bakit ganon? Yung pinsan kong first year college, laboy ng laboy. Yung manliligaw nga niya tambay ng bahay nila eh. Bakit ako hindi pwedeng ganon? SI Matet, 3rd yr HS palang may BF na nun. Bakit ako hindi pwde?
GUSTO BA NILA KONG GAWING FORCED MODEL TO MY COUSINS?
Eh wala naman epek eh. kasi kahit anong gawin niyo may sarili ng mga buhay yung mga pinsan ko.
At nakakasakit din namang malaman na kinukumpera niyo kami sa isa't isa. pagkukulang ni ganto ni ganyan.
PWDE BA. DI KAMI PERPEKTO. Naalala ko tuloy si Kat, sabi niya bakit daw ba siya kinukumpera sakin eh hindi naman siya ako. Ramdam ko kaya yun. Naaawa ako pag ginaganto kami at nasasaktan sila.

Bakit ganon? lahat naman ginawa ko eh. Kung tutuusin pwde naman akong magrebelde. I can choose to follow a path going nowhere. Pero hindi eh. Lahat ginagawa ko, maging perpekto para lang mapasaya sila daddy. Bakit hindi nila makita yun?
ANG ALAM LANG NILA, GINAGAWA KO SA BAGUIO MAGLARO NG MAGLARO NG GAMEBOY OR MAGINTERNET HANGGANG MADALING ARAW.
Adik daw ako.
Eh hindi naman sa ganon pero PUTANG INA MAAWA NAMAN KAYO. Hindi n nga lumalabas ng bahay tong anak niyo eh. WALA NAMAN AKONG LIBANGAN SA HINAYUPAK NA LUGAR NA YUN EH.Bakit ba lagi niyo nalang akong tinitignan na BATANG ISIP NA WALANG PAKIALAM SA MUNDO?

Ang laki na ng pinagbago ko. Hindi lang ako ang nagsasabi nito. Hindi niyo ba makita?

GUSTO KO NA MAGGRADUATE.
GUSTO KO NG UMALIS SA GANTONG SITWASYON
PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO.

GRABE.
WALA NA AKONG MASABI KUNGDI PAGOD NA AKO. MA. DADDY. PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO.
PARANG AWA NIYO NA, PAKAWALAN NIYO NA AKO.

mood: relaxed

HEE.:]
My friend, Auke, has a friend who's going to stay here in the Philippines from January to March (i think) And she emailed me about stuff. She's asking me for help about how to go from here to there. I'm so excited! It's been one year since I've been around someone who's not a filipino. Hahaha. I'm so tired of talking to filipinos.;p Awww. I miss Auke and Ben!

Anyway, TRUFFLES! OMG. I can eat chocos now! It's so frustrating opening the ref and seeing tons and tons of huge chocos waiting to be opened and me not being able to touch them.BUT NOW, AHAHAHAHAHA. YES, THIS IS THE LIFE!

The new year is going to be great, I can tell! [minus the exams, of course]

mood: loved

HEE. yeah. BEST-est since I've got a dozen of best friends. anyway, I don't want to sound mean to my other buddies, but this lady [asuuu, lady daw.Haha.joke :D] is the next person who knows who I am next to Anton.
TA-DA.
Najmah Dingcong! :D:D:D

I don't know what so say, really. I'm just very very very very very grateful I met her. HEEHEE. Oh I remember the first time we met, she was sitting at the backseat of the school bus and I was raising an eyebrow since she kept on babbling about Slam Dunk.XD And also, I miss the days when we used to dance whenever the...[OMG NAJ!I FORGOT THE SONG TITLE!] but she knows what I'm talking about so.;p And also the time when we were tripping on the people outside while the school bus was on the road, us waving at random people. Calling their attention and then hiding once they turn around and look for us...

And not to mention the plans we have based on the Wild Thornberry's. MY GOSH. We have got to make that once we earn lotsa money. :]
I miss those things we do!
And also the times when we argue about small things and other people's ears were starting to bleed due to my uber high-pitched voice screaming.
And me eating some food and Naj telling me "nakakagutom pag pinapanuod ka kumain. Ang sarap mo kasing kumain eh."
And us hiding whenever we pass by the manananggal's hut. HAHAHA.


And Naj visiting my place and us having a slumber party downstairs and watching tv til 3 in the morning.
I remember the first time we wached the Moulin Rouge..she was already crying and I kept on asking so many questions so she said I had to pay attention to what we were watching.
And Naj waking up early in the morning and tripping on me sleeping.
And Naj doodling on my face with a ballpen/marker.
And Naj playing with Kimy, her favorite among my seven dogs.
And us singing glee club songs together.
And us singing some anime songs with my downloaded lyrics.


Oh so many things I miss from my childhood days.

It feels just like yesterday when we were just nerdy nerdy anime freak-ish high school students.
SIGH.


Come to think of it, after that tampo-tampo moment back in HS, we never really had a major fight afterwards.
I think that's the point when we understood each other. AWWWWWWWWWWW.


MISS YOU NAJIE!


And to the graduating bestest girlfriend of mine, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'LL BE LEAVING THE UNIVERSITY SOON!
I hope you get a wonderful job and be happy after you graduate.:]
I'm always here if you need me!:]

LOVE YOU!

mood: exhausted

WUUUU.I thought my laptop got busted again. Fortunately it was fixed before I went to SM.:D Anyway, I've got three major things I want to share.

1. I went to the Benguet Lab the other day, since I realized there's no point consulting the UP clinic. The doctor was soooooooooo shocked [and I do mean she was SHOCKED] to find out that I took two medicaitons already for two weeks and my throat is not getting well. I had Augmentin 625mg twice a day for the first week I had pharyngitis and Clamydecin (something like that) 300mg thrice a day for another week. AND IT'S STILL NOT WORKING. Anyway, she said she doesn't want to prescribe another antibiotic since it's too dangerous. But I have to go back and get that thingy saliva culture (which MJ said was PAINFUL with the capital P) test to see what's the BIG problem. And fortunately, I'll get WELL.

This pharyngitis has been haunting me for three weeks, going to four weeks. I am soooo paranoid that I might get rheumati heart disease soon! (Yes, this has always been my problem ever since I was 5yrs old...FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO RESIST EATING SWEETS AND COLD FOOD..*tear*)..if you can't prevent this kind of disease, the bacteria goes to your heart and you'll get the worse one, the rheumatic heart disease.

And that means
FIVE YEARS OF FREQUENTLY VISITING THE HOSPITAL FOR INJECTIONS.
AND NOT TO MENTION DOZENS OF MEDICINES TO TAKE EVERYDAY.
FOR FIVE LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG YEARS OF TORTURE.

That is not going to happen. NA AH. I AM GOING TO BE WELL. COME ON. COME ON BODY. PLEASE GET WELL!

2. Dad is in Arizona for his flight school this week. And I asked him to buy me ipod earhpones and 3-in-1 travel charger since I accidentally destroyed my earphones long long ago.;p

3. Mum suddenly texted me and said "Sabihin mo kay daddy mo bilan ka ng ps"
and I was like
me: "ps? psp ba?"
ma: "hindi. yung ds. iba ba yung ds a psp?"
me: "oo. iba yun. bakit naman?"
ma: "nakita ko kasi kay ishi. color pink. ang cute.pabili ka"

AND I WAS LIKE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ME TO TELL DAD TO BUY ME A WHA WHA WHA WHA?
A WHA?
A CONSOLE?
THIS IS TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE.

So okay..I hope dad receives my messages.
I also added something like "dad also buy me a macbook ha."
And then I texted again (i got shy)
"pero ikaw na bahala kung magkano magkakasiya sa budget mo..kung kaya mo pa bumili ng macbook after ka bumili ng ipod earphones,charger at yung DS, ha...."

HEEHEE.
OF COURSE I WAS SHY.
I FELT LIKE A BRAT.
But no! I don't really want to have a ds. I just want a macbook to throw this toshiba away.
OOPS. SORRY TOPTOP. PEACE. I STILL WUB YOU. BUT OUR CONTRACT SEEMS TO COME TO AN END. SORRY.T_T

But I don't know!
I hope dad gets what I want.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.:D


Oh one week to go and then it's xmas break WOOT WOOT!
Off to study.


CIAO.